-This has to be the only time in history where a bank teller feels safer when someone walks in with a mask on.
-I just assume that anything I get sent on Facebook Messenger in the year 2020 is a virus that will steal my social security number and credit card info.
-When I was younger and would see pictures or videos from a long time ago that were in black and white, I thought that meant the world itself used to actually be lived in black and white and getting different colors was like a modern invention. I wish I could go back in time and slap my younger self for being an idiotic piece of shit.
-Among other things, you have to think the portable charger market is taking a real hit right now.
-I bet if Twitter was around when the movie Cast Away came out, there would’ve been some cheesy viral tweet saying “My guy Wilson got robbed of Best Supporting Actor” or something along those lines.
-The greatest athletic accomplishment of my life is catching a piece of zucchini in my mouth from a Hibachi chef at Long Island’s “Sushi Ya” in the fall of 2008.
-The only situation I can think of where my frequent urination problem would come in handy is if I’m with someone who gets stung by a jellyfish. But sometimes I get stage fright, so actually maybe not.
-I never had to write a college thesis, but if I did, it would’ve been about whether it’s statistically better to “pass” or “play” in Family Feud. I feel like the family that plays rarely gets all the answers right at first, but they usually get all the easy ones, making it difficult for the family trying to “steal.” And if they can’t steal, then the family that chose to play wins. So I’d have to run the numbers, but I bet playing is the statistically better option.
-As a kid, all I wanted to know is what the hell ever happened to Hey Arnold’s parents.
Thank you for your time.