-It’s always a very awkward moment when you try to discreetly count the change a cashier just gave you to make sure that it’s right.
-Whenever I’m not that hungry but eat a little bit of something, it somehow makes me really hungry to eat a lot more. I don’t understand how that works.
-You can steal almost anything in this world, but one thing you can’t steal is a house. Would be really hard for a thief to just go into someone’s home, sit down, and say “OK, this is mine now.”
-I always feel bad when an app asks if I’m enjoying it and I click “yes” but then I decline to leave a review. I just picture an imaginary man inside the app getting really excited for a second and then immediately letdown.
-Whenever I get added to someone’s close friends list on Instagram, it makes me feel really special. I don’t care if I barely know the person, I just like when people like me.
-Continually making accidental eye contact with someone can be extremely awkward. That’s why I like to make things much less awkward by blurting out “This is accidental! This is accidental!” That really eases the situation.
-I feel like if I was a married adult when “Borat” first came out, I would’ve drastically overused the “My wife” joke, to the point where it led to a messy separation and subsequent divorce.
-I think it’s cool when people eat cereal at night.
-One of the dumber things I believed as a kid is that if you dig deep enough at the beach, you could eventually get to China. There was a time where that was a legitimate life goal of mine.
Thank you for your time.