-People will go their whole lives chasing that high of when they walked into school one day with new light-up sneakers. They’ll never reach it.
-While it’s something I feel like I would typically hate, I actually am interested in people posting about their Spotify Wrapped. I think that Heaven should contact Spotify to work on some kind of program that can give us similar life stats when we get to the Pearly Gates.
-I have a genius idea for a brand called “Limited Edition.” People love anything limited edition no matter what it is. So we’d make a bunch of different items but only sell like 10 of each and price them crazy high. We’d make millions.
-Sometimes I will get a vivid flashback to a very random, specific moment in my life, and I don’t understand what triggered it.
-I find reheating food to be a very stressful and enjoyable process. First of all, I never know the amount of time something needs to be in for. There’s so many different settings on the microwaves that I don’t know which to use. Some of my food on the plate gets warm. Some is still cold. You cut something open and it’s cold on the inside but hot on the inside. Getting everything hot at the same time is almost impossible. It’s a nightmare.
-The year is 2061. My nephew tells me he’s considering studying abroad in college and asks for advice. I tell him, “Well, I didn’t study abroad in college. I studied 50 of them!” It will be misogynistic, factually incorrect, and a vast, vast, vast, VAST over exaggeration. But it should get a chuckle.
-There are too many Kennedy’s still out there. I feel like everyone knows someone who claims to be a Kennedy and JFK is their great great great uncle’s 4th cousin or something. It’s not that unique, and I refuse to be impressed by it.
-I would like world peace and for all war to stop, but if it can’t entirely, I think we should at least make it a 9-5 job. Meet out on the battlefield at 9 am sharp. Duke it out for 8 hours. And be home in time for dinner. No sneak attacks. You get a good night’s sleep and get back out there tomorrow.
Thank you for your time.