-People who get shot in movies always seem like they know exactly. what to do. They start performing some kind of mini surgery on themselves, when in reality, I think most people just sit there and scream because they just got fucking shot and that must really hurt.
-Someone should start a Mediterranean food delivery service called “Get The Greek To Him.” For the sake of the pun, they can only deliver food to men.
-I categorize my shirts into 3 types. Shirts that are comfortable enough to be worn under hoodies. Shirts that are not comfortable enough to be worn underneath sweatshirts but are nice enough to only be worn on their own. And then we have the “get you a shirt that can do both” which is comfortable beneath a hoodie, but also nice enough to be worn on its own.
-I was recently reading what people wrote in my high school yearbook, and while it was nice to see everyone saying I was the funniest, smartest, hottest, best varsity QB ever, I wish there was a way to see what I wrote in other people’s books. I know I wrote some really funny yet touching and emotional things that I’d love to look back on.
-The best Christmas gifts as an adult are the most practical ones. Among my favorites this year were Zyretec, hand sanitizer, Pepcid, Clorox wipes, and a Target gift card.
-My New Year’s resolution is to eat only healthy foods UNLESS I decide that I don’t want to.
-I was walking down the street yesterday when a FedEx guy dropped a package off the trolley he was dragging. I picked it up, got his attention, and gave it to him. The person who gets that package will have no idea the key role I played in making sure they got a timely delivery.
-I don’t want to end this video without addressing the elephant in the room and the main story in America right now. Yes, this is a new quarter zip.
Thank you for your time.