-Signs that say “use stairs in case of fire” don’t take into account the possibility of there being a fire on the stairs.
-Sometimes when I’m walking down the street with a friend or I’m on the phone, I like to talk in a British accent. Anyone I pass by will think “Oh that’s a British guy.” But I’m not. Pretty epic prank.
-Shrimp entrees never include enough shrimp. I’d never go with a shrimp parmigiana or francese over chicken or veal. Terrible bang for your buck. I like to only have my shrimp as an appetizer, or perhaps over some linguini.
-An official sign of adulthood is when you spend more money on Christmas gifts than you actually receive. It becomes just yet another yearly expense.
-I watched “Wind River” for the first time the other day. Great flick. But at the end of the movie, text popped up on the screen that said “Native American women are the only demographic we don’t keep missing statistics for. Nobody knows how many are missing.” And it kind of feels like somebody should get on that?
-I have an idea for a movie that I think is good and I want everyone to hear it: It’s a society of the future and we have a population problem. Our society has become so advanced that nobody dies because we know how to treat all diseases, so instead we must kill each other to avoid overpopulation. So at birth everyone is assigned the day and time they will die and who will kill them. They are also assigned the one person they are supposed to kill and when they must do it. Everyone just sort of agrees that this is how life goes. Except for our protagonist. He has just had a child on the day he’s supposed to be killed. And he wants to live to be a father. So he kills the guy that’s supposed to kill him, messing up the cycle and throwing everything out of whack. The movie then follows his adventures as he tries to escape and survive with his family and society begins to question if this man is a hero or a villain.
-I don’t like crackers in my soup.
-I hate when I’m doing laundry and forget to put one piece of clothing in the hamper that I meant to wash. It happened the other day with a pair of jeans. It was too late to throw them in and I wasn’t doing a separate wash just for them. Ruined my whole day.
Thank you for your time.