-When I’m walking a city street and there’s a red hand sign, but I cross anyway and it then convinces other strangers to cross with me, I feel like a cult leader. I really like that feeling.
-One of life’s great unspoken battles is the back and forth jockeying for an arm rest. Someone goes to the bathroom, you claim it. Someone lifts it up to sneeze for a second, you claim it. It is the greatest human display of passive aggressiveness.
-A real predicament for me every time I travel is what pants to wear. I want to be comfortable and wear sweats, but I also don’t want loose pockets. Can’t have my phone and wallet falling out, which makes me go jeans. But is that being too cautious? Then I’m stuck with tighter and uncomfortable pants for the whole trip. My life is a living hell.
-Whenever I text someone in the same room as me, I instantly look to see their reaction as they read it. Hopefully, I can make them smile.
-I always get annoyed when the serving size on a bag of chips or candy isn’t just the entire bag. Now this isn’t me being basic and saying “I eat the whole thing in one sitting.” But rather, I’m attacking it more from a mathematical angle of it would just be easier to do the mental math if they gave you the nutritional info for the entire bag and then you break it down to “I’m eating about half of this bag.” Seems way easier.
-I think it would be funny to bring back Rick Rolling people.
-If Derek Jeter or Dave Franco ever went missing and the government saw how many pictures I have of them on my phone, I’d have to be a prime suspect. But it’s strictly to make collages to show how much we look alike.
-I feel like people will disagree with this, but I think if I tried to become an NFL quarterback since birth, I could do it. My field vision and ability to read defenses (in Madden) is once in a generation type stuff. And I’m sure if I went to the gym enough and stuff that I’d figure out throwing and all that jazz.
-Being in the city of Philadelphia makes me feel like I’m on the set of National Treasure. It always seems like an impromptu treasure hunt could break out at any moment.
Thank you for your time.