-Alright so this is something I’ve been considering doing that I want your guys opinion on. I’m thinking of dying my hair blonde, getting a ton of tattoos, maybe starting to rap infused with some punk rock, and calling myself, I don't know ... Machine Gun Kelly. Just spitballing, but let me know what you think.
-Drinking tap water out of the bathroom sink feels a lot grosser than drinking it from the kitchen sink even though it’s the exact same thing.
-The other day around noon, I told my roommate I was going to get a bagel and he asked if I could grab him one. I told him I would but then he decided to just join instead. I suggested we go to this new bagel shop I’ve only been to once and he said yes because he wanted to try it. We got there and I, a functioning member of society, ordered an everything bagel with cream cheese. He said he “needed a minute” and that’s when I knew something had gone awry. He then proceeded to a fucking chicken parmesan hero. At a bagel shop! After he said he wanted a bagel and to try out this new place! I had never been so surprised in my life. It is hands down the most egregious thing I’ve ever witnessed with my own two eyes.
-I have never felt more intimidated and out of place than the time I tried to shop at an Urban Outfitters.
-A sign of adulthood is when you start complaining about how “these weather people are just never right.”
-I think we really overrate central air conditioning. It’s supposed to be like this elite sign of the rich, but I think it’s just worse than typical window unit ACs. Central air makes me feel like I have less control. What if I want different temperatures in different rooms? And while central air may be better for a whole house, window units are better for that specific room. I like a nice window unit AC that I can turn on high and blast it right in front of my face.
-Despite being just one letter off and having somewhat similar meanings, the word “slot" does not sound nearly as gross as the word "slit."
-Here’s an underrated fact about me. I once took a poop in the building JFK got shot from. Lee Harvey Oswald once did his business there, and 51 years later I did mine.
Thank you for your time.