-Before I die, all I want to learn is why there needs to be a difference between a merchant copy and a customer copy.
-Global warming activists must have a real tough time rallying people for their cause on warm February days like we’ve had this week. Look I know climate change is real and a problem or whatever, but I’ll tell you what, if it means I’m getting 56 degree days in February, I’m kind of all for it. I’m turning on every light I see, I’m using a ton of plastic and not recycling it, I’m tossing styrofoam right into the soil. I’ll burn that ozone layer up if it means I can go outside in just a hoodie.
-One of my unusual skills is knowing which of my feet will end up at the top of the staircase when climbing stairs. I can only be about 40% of the way up and think “Oh this’ll be a left footer.” It is astounding to witness.
-Yesterday was Ash Wednesday for all my Catholics out there. Just as I did last year, I will also be giving up hypocrisy for Lent this year. Since I don’t go to church or really follow any religious rules, it would be hypocritical of me to give something up for Lent. So I won’t give anything up, which is thus giving up hypocrisy. It’s brilliant.
-The main reason my room gets messy is because I don’t know what to do with once-worn clothes that can be used again. Shirts, underwear, and socks are all one use, then go in the hamper. But what about a pair of jeans or a hoodie that I’ve only worn once? Or maybe a lounge shirt that I only had on for a couple of hours. I can certainly wear those again. I don’t want to put them back with my clean clothes, but they’re also not ready for the hamper. So I just put them all in miscellaneous places around my room, leading to quite the mess.
-I went to a bar recently and ordered the “beer battered fried mozzarella.” It was much to my dismay when I was served frozen mozzarella sticks. If you’re going to describe it as “beer battered fried mozzarella” then I’m expecting triangles or something special to make it stand out. If you’re gonna serve me that shit I got, just call it mozzarella sticks so I don’t get my hopes up.
-There’s a direct correlation between the amount of time I spend on TikTok, and the amount of time I spend on Urban Dictionary trying to figure out what the hell these kids are saying about me.
-Speaking of Urban Dictionary, it was always a thrill as a kid to search your name and see what people said about you. The top one for Tommy from user “That Mexican Chick” says
“He is usually a great person, attractive and to die for. He is just amazing and everyone loves him. He has girls around him all the time just because he is just amazing."
So prettttty spot on.
Audience Thought Of The Week
From @thedubs12 on Instagram
-Complaining about how old you are is one of the most unoriginal thoughts out there. People say it in their 20s - "I'm so old, I can't hang like I did in college." Then in their 30s they complain about missing their 20s. Then they have kids and keep complaining about how old they are. Life is just a never-ending cycle of complaining about how old you are.
Thank you for your time.