-It’s always a satisfying moment when you prove to a website that you are not, in fact, a robot.
-I try to always establish umbrella dominance. When me and a person walking towards me both have our umbrellas out, but we’re about to approach a narrow gap, I make sure I always raise my umbrella higher than theirs, making them go underneath my umbrella. Huge power move.
-Whoever orders the appetizers at a restaurant is the clear alpha of the table.
-It’s never easy telling a barber with an open chair – “All good. I’m waiting for someone else.” Must be such a gut punch. But it is really the only profession where it’s acceptable. When a waiter comes to your table at a restaurant, you can’t say “Oh no thanks. We’ll take someone else.”
-Speaking of haircuts, what’s the window for saying yes when someone asks “did you get a haircut?” Obviously, the answer can always be “yes” because I have had many haircuts throughout my life. But how recently does the haircut need to have been to warrant a “Yes I did just get a haircut.” My personal number would be 4 days or less.
-I would love to be Batman.
-Life pro tip: When approaching a stationary revolving door with another person, stop and let the other person go first. It will make you look courteous. But in reality, it’s actually just making life easier for you because they have to be the one that uses the energy to start moving the door. So you come off looking friendly when it’s actually a pretty selfish move.
-Name a more iconic duo than block parties and the song “Yeah” by Usher. You can’t.
-If you tell a person they look like someone, I feel like they almost always take it an insult and never agree with it. Unless, of course, it’s people telling me I look like Derek Jeter. That I’m fine with.
-I think The Bachelor releases more new episodes than Jeopardy at this point.
Guest Thought Of The Week
-Do women only go through dating, marriage, pregnancy, and childbirth just so they have someone to blame their farts on? Until they have a baby, women just hold in a lifetime worth of farts. Once they have a kid, they finally let it rip and can blame their farts on the baby. So women having the need to fart is basically keeping the human race alive.
Audience Thought Of The Week
If you have a thought you want to be included in this blog, hit me up on Twitter/Instagram @tomscibelli and I’ll include the best one of the week.
From @the_brett_hanfling on Instagram
-The person who proofread Hitler’s speeches was literally a grammar Nazi.
Thank you for your time.