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The Twisted History of TV Sitcom Stars

The next four episodes of Twisted History have been revealed. Watch 'The First Annual Twisted History Topic Reveal Show' above to find out what Large and Vibbs will be discussing next. 

Here are some of the notes on today's episode, 'The Twisted History of Sitcom Stars:' 

KELSEY GRAMMER - I have no clue about this younger generation, but I would argue that probably 8 or 9 out of 10 middle-aged Americans know who Kelsey Grammer is …I just can’t commit to saying 10 out of 10 because of those fucking unpredictable Amish, am I right?  I would also argue that out of those 8 or 9 Americans, only 1 or 2 of them know that his dad was murdered when Kelsey was only 13 years old, his sister was brutally assaulted and then also murdered when Kelsey was 20, and then in 1980 Grammer’s twin brothers were both killed while scuba diving off of St Thomas… One of the brother’s body was never found, and is presumed to have been eaten by sharks.

Lemme repeat that… Kelsey Grammer’s dad was murdered, his sister was even more brutally murdered, and one of his twin brothers was eaten by a fucking shark.

Now, everyone who knows me knows that I am an ‘old weirdo’ who doesn’t mind getting inappropriate for the sake of a little comedy. Then, maybe 8 out of 10 of those who know me know that I have gout and I ride a Vespa.  Wanna know why?… Because those are probably the most interesting facets about my miserable existence.

Kelsey Grammer has been in the public eye for DECADES… Dare I say, the man is a public institution?  Yes, I dare.  And people don’t have the first clue what this asshole has been through.

I don’t have to read you his IMDB, but Cheers was arguably the best show on TV for 9 years, and then Frasier was a consistent hit for another 11. How were these morbid tidbits not more on the forefront of every People Magazine article or Inside Edition episode?

I mean, you know what is the only thing more interesting than having a family member murdered? Having 2 family members murdered? And you know the only thing more interesting than that? Fucking shark attacks. And Kelsey has an intimate connection to all 3… He has essentially hit for the cycle, but nobody cares. Shit, he hosted SNL at one point, and the writers pitched a skit where he was a Bond villain who was eaten by a shark. What are the fucking chances of that?

One last thing …you know what the last name of the guy who murdered Kelsey’s father was? - Niles.

You explain to me how someone can anchor a sitcom like Frasier, and have the second most popular character be named Niles fucking Crane? A character name that Frasier had to repeat thousands of times over the course of 11 years.

It’s like losing your child on 9/11, and then naming your new puppy “Osama”.

So let’s sum it up.

Kelsey Grammer has had his fair share of personal tragedy in his life. On top of this, there are other random facts that make him more interesting than, say, Justin Bieber, even without all of Grammer’s dead kin…

He started smoking a pipe when he was 12, which I kind of admire for some reason.

He won a scholarship, but was soon expelled from (the music institute) Juilliard.

He was homeless for a brief time …spending his nights in rat infested Central Park.

Has had 7 children with 4 different wives.

The third wife, Camille Donatacci, was a sufficiently hot 1990’s Playboy playmate who had a bit part in Stern’s (movie) Private Parts before having a fair amount of plastic surgery and becoming a 'MILF-y' reality TV star. 

He once brought his 3 year old daughter to a Playboy Mansion party, because he couldn’t find a babysitter.

He’s had a heart attack, a couple of DUI’s, a stint in Betty Ford, a 30 day stint in prison for cocaine possession, and he’s Sideshow Bob (from The Simpsons).

As far as I’m concerned, Kelsey Grammar is the most interesting man alive… That Dos Equis Guy can suck Frasier’s dick.

——————————

Fran Drescher 

First off, for those who don’t recall right away, she’s the one with the annoying voice who was in The Nanny, and was also in Saturday Night Fever just over 40 fucking years ago. 

In 1985, a couple guys broke into her house and raped her and her friend while her husband was tied to a chair and forced to watch.

Ten years later, Fran and her husband divorced (because) it turns out he came out as a homosexual.

So couple those two little chestnuts along with the fact that she went to high school with Ray Romano, and you have at least enough for an interesting small talk topic for your next cocktail party. 

BREAKING: The Next 3 Episodes of Twisted History have been revealed: 

1) Sitcom Stars

2) Playboy centerfolds 

3) Hollywood directors 

4) Beastiality??!!

Download 'The Twisted History of Sitcom Stars' Now: