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Chicago Tribune: "Sex Toys are Flying Off The Shelves as Solo Sex is Best Option for Pleasure During Quarantine"

As Chief has documented over the past year, The highly esteemed Chicago Tribune has heard the message loud and clear- get in the sex game or get left in the dust.

And get in the sex game they have. 

Exhibit A-


Exhibit B- 

Exhibit C- 

Exhibit D-

Though not as great as Pres' Hoss Goldstein work, which OG Stoolies will remember from back in the day, they're still very solid.

Yesterday, the Trib decided to feature small business owner Searah Deysach, owner of "Early to Bed, a feminist sex shop in Andersonville". They spoke to Deysach on the recent surge in sex toy sales nationwide and abroad.

It seems that since we've been on lockdown sex toys have been selling like hotcakes.

There has been between a 30% to 100% increase in sex toy sales, according to reports from the Los Angeles Times, and as much as a 263% increase for one brand, based on reports from AdWeek.

Huh, so are friends to the north are into sex toys? 

Oh yah, Canada is big time horny.

With Sales Up 263% in Quarantine, This Sex Toy Is Encouraging Everyone to Stay Home

Rather than bask in the afterglow of such a sales explosion for its Womanizer vibrator, WOW Tech Group is stepping up its advertising across Canadian cities with a message that’s good for client and consumers alike: “Stay home.”

The product’s billboards, designed by Toronto agency The Garden and launched in collaboration with retailers Stag Shop and SexxxPlus, are relatively subtle in the sense that they don’t directly call out that the device is a vibrator.

Or at least they’re subtle by comparison to last year’s perfectly written Womanizer billboard, which Adweek named one of the best ads of 2019:

Created by the same agency that made the “Scream Your Own Name” out of home, the new billboards are currently posted in Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. The Garden’s creative team saw the new campaign as an opportunity to encourage Canadians to embrace voluntary quarantine, even if it meant not always getting to embrace others.


Deysach attributes it to the following:

“I think a lot of people are stuck home alone, and there’s people who normally would be having sex with dates, or people who they are not sheltered at home with,” said Deysach. “So a lot of people are — for stress relief and sexual pleasure and all the other reasons why anyone would masturbate — are finding themselves doing it more on their own, and looking for creative ways to make it a little more fun, more interesting, and take a little strain off our hands and wrists as well.”

“I think during this quarantine, masturbation is seen as, ‘Well, you don’t have any other choice,” said Deysach. “I think masturbation should be more celebrated, that it’s a wonderful way to express your sexuality, and have it just be about you, and it’s good for you and it’s healthy and makes you happy.”

Touché Searah, touché. 

"Oh, celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain" - D. Matthews

Oh celebrate we are. A 263% Boom in sales? Are you kidding me?

According to the Trib, no, it's not a joke. They even consulted an expert to tell us why we're buying up pocket rockets like they're unopened packs of 1989 Upper Deck Baseball Cards (see here)


In the hopes of finding this (see here)

Except that instead of coming across the greatest rookie card of our generation, we're getting back bending, toe-curling, keyboard ruining orgasms. Lots of them.

Bring in the expert Rae McDaniel, a certified sex therapist at Practical Audacity. Rae says:

"Masturbation doesn’t only curb loneliness and an unfulfilled libido, it also aids overall sexual wellness by being a relief to the anxiety, and even boredom, that can be heightened during this time."

"Masturbation is such a great tool to tap into pleasure in the middle of a lot of stress, a lot of fear and a lot of uncertainty,” said McDaniel, who uses the gender pronouns they and them. “It’s something that no matter what your situation, you have access to it; everyone has access to feeling pleasure in their own bodies and connecting to their own bodies in that way. I think that is a hugely positive thing for these times.”

Am I reading Penthouse Letters or "The American Paper for Americans"?

(Also Did Sam Smith kick off this "they and them" trend or did he just jump on the bandwagon?)

The Tribune article continues - 

While McDaniel does see self-pleasure as “a fantastic coping skill for dealing with the anxiety and stress that the pandemic is causing,” they said masturbation can become worrisome if it begins to cause distress and negatively affect one’s life.

“If it starts getting in the way of you doing other things you want to be doing, or getting in the way of your relationships, it can become a problem,” said McDaniel, who says it’s better to frame this as an out-of-control sexual behavior anxiety issue rather than an addiction.

"Honey I'm not addicted to porn… I just have an out-of-control sexual behavior anxiety issue"

Is it me or does that sound much worse than a "porn addiction"? 

That sounds like some sexual deviant shit.

Awful advice from they, or them (McDaniel) on that one.

Clean it up Tribune.

 Bonus Portnoy V. Hoss Goldstein Love Advice Flashbacks