Cockroach Basketball Is The Future (Episode 1 Most Dangerous Game Show Reactions)
8 Barstool personalities are dropped into the wilderness to compete for a new mattress, $25,000, and the title of The Most Dangerous (which is sure to get you some sex.) Contestant expectations for the show drastically varied, from a Bear Grylls Survival Show to a physical American Ninja Warrior obstacle course. Not a soul in the group had any clue what to expect. AFTER you watch the episode, read ahead and get an inside view to Episode 1of Barstool's Most Dangerous Game ...
(EPISODE 1 SPOILERS AHEAD)
If this was scrounge for food survival show, all of us are dead. Even Billy who showed up equipped with all the outdoor gear you would ever need, but I'm not sure he had an idea how to use even the ax. Although we would suck at survival my strongest competitors were Billy Football based on his physical strength, Sydnie based on the fact the she is literally the outdoors girl, and Tommy Smokes because he is like the Bill Belichick of reality elimination shows and has memorized every strategy on the reality show chessboard, so by the time you are eliminated you never saw it coming.
Those 3 players and of course … this guy right here, Ol' Vibbsy. I expect the challenges to be a mix of physical strength, endurance, problem solving, and of course overcoming fear. As a jack of all trades with little fear (except for heights) I'm a strong contender to win.
Despite popular belief, I'm actually horrible at eating gross stuff. Yes, I do a show called Lowering The Bar where I repeatedly ingest gross substances with guests. The show is funny because while the guest might not have a problem, I usually am strapped into the fucking struggle bus going 100 mph. SO, when we walked up to a Midsommar like dinner table in the middle of the most pollen infested field of all time (seasonal allergies, my other mortal enemy) I was not feeling confident. And I was right …
Crushed up meal worms, scorpions, and thick water (a LTB staple) do not go down easily. Salty and sandy is the best way to describe the mixture. A lot of low food chain protein that doesn't sit well. Just ask Billy Football, who COMPLETELY dog walked Smitty, and then in the next round violently spewed the contents of his stomach all over the fancy dinner. What may have been worse than drinking the smoothie, was being in Billy's Splash Zone as droplets of vomit spray got on my face, and in my hair, while hearing the gurgling sounds Billy made trying to contain the vomit from traveling any further up his throat.
Even if Billy Football silently drank his bug smoothie like Charlie Chaplin and didn't throw up, I still would have lost in the first round to Bri. The future is eating bugs according to Jack Mac, and he's not wrong, but this red blooded American will be sticking to red meat.
Bri decided to go head to head with me and murder suicided us out of the challenge after we simultaneously puked, thus eliminating us both. The winner of this challenge with his Secret Service Technique that prevents him from puking was Tommy Smokes.
Tommy won a trip to the Mattress Firm Mansion and avoided a night sleeping in the woods. The group then voted on what two players would join Smokes. I can't remember if we were allowed to talk amongst the table, but the group consensus was vote whoever performed the best in the smoothie challenge into the house. Fair strategy considering we still have no clue what the format of the game is and what the next twist will be. Welcome to the Mansion Sydnie and Jordyn.
Off to the campsite Smitty, Bri, Sas, Billy, and I go to see where we will be living for at least tonight.
The camp came fully equipped with knives (taken away in the first 5 minutes), axes (same as the knives), and bear mace (taken away, but given to the night nurse on duty.) While the lib ass safety crew on set took our weapons, leaving us defenseless, we ended up not needing a 9 inch hunting blades the entire week.
If you've been camping with your family, you were all set on survival at our Barstool camp. The sleeping arrangements were wet, but that was about the worst part of the night. The temperatures dropped into the low 50's, but we came prepared for cold nights.
That morning was the first challenge with players divided into sub groups of mansion and camp, and we find out the next twist is mansion competitors have to sit on the sidelines while the campers compete in Cockroach Basketball for the ability to send someone home that night at the elimination arena.
I hate cockroaches. I doesn't bother me they're built to survive a nuclear holocaust, it's the way they creep around, and how their legs cling to you in an unsettling way. When cockroaches aren't surprising me, they aren't so bad. Even when the bugs are going directly into my mouth.
I went into the roach motel 3 times, first against Billy who was thrashing around while completely lacking any shooting ability, Smitty was built for Cockroach Basketball due to the size of his massive block head, but In the end it was the two shooting guards that moved to the finals where Bri had me down 2-0 before I was able to score 3 straight buckets and win power of elimination. Which had everyone back at camp wanting to talk to me, which sucked, I'd rather just sit in the woods and not talk to anyone. But, you I had to play the game, and I was the bell of the ball and everyone wanted to dance with me. One by one everyone in the group went off with me at some point and I told them that night it was between Tommy and Billy for elimination.
Tommy offered to never go after me if I kept him from being eliminated. Billy talked to me in passing, but If it didn't get back to me from half the camp that Billy mentioned I should be the next to go after Tommy, the game might have gone differently for Billy. I knew eliminating Tommy would only make me the most visible target, so I decided to keep him as a distraction for the others to go after as the biggest threat remaining while I coast under the radar. With that strategy in mind, it was time for the wilderness to claim its first victim, Billy Football.
See you Tuesday at 8pm for Episode 2, and be sure to check out the after show where Billy Football, Tommy Smokes, and I discuss everything that happened in Episode 1.