You Can Attend One Party In Movie History. Which One Do You Pick?

The GOAT started on one of the 72 HBOs during the first intermission of the Bs game last night so naturally I tuned in for about the 834th time. The 833rd time was earlier in the day but fuck, it’s ANIMAL HOUSE, the R-rated comedy to which all other R-rated comedies can trace their bloodlines to. Once I hear Elmer Bernstein’s iconic, ironic score—all class to cover up the crass—I’m sucked in because I soon realize that KNOWLEDGE IS GOOD.

But the Bruins always take priority so I paused it during Larry and Kent’s initial visit to Delta Tau Chi so after the Bs beat the Devils, I could pick it right back up. When it got to the Toga Party scene, I thought the same thing I always do, “That looks like the best goddamn party ever”. You got Otis Day & The Knights burning the joint down. Bluto owning the room. Tons of chicks. Everybody just having a goddamn blast. There wasn’t a huge coke scene in ’62 but there were definitely uppers at play somewhere. I always see myself like Boon, shades on just off the band, lip-syncing into his Bud bottle wishing he was part of the band. The scene is so iconic it inspired a national campus trend that had a solid decade or so run (the Toga Party was finito by the early ’90s but no clue if it came back since).

So I threw off the above S&G Tweet and ended up getting a shitload of replies that made an otherwise boring hour entertaining. I did a poll to get a hard number. I took the top three submitted @ replies (more or less) and included my initial Tweet as the fourth entry.

Based on replies, Mitch-A-Palooza (“Old School”) and the Moon Tower Party (“Dazed and Confused”) were no-brainers to join Toga Party in the poll. Mitch-A-Palooza had Snoop fucking Dogg and that’s really all you have to say. The Moon Tower had more trees than Siberia and phenomenal 1970s rock (downside: untamed bushes). The final slot was down to The Pit Party (“PCU”) and the party in “Project X”. You’re high as fuck if you think I was going through every reply to count them. Todd Phillips already had one flick and there was already one high school party so “Project X” got the boot. Plus, “PCU” has George Clinton Parliament Funkadelic and “Project X” has too many cops for a good party. Either way, that slot was coming in last.

But I also want to acknowledge a couple of worthy nominees.

If this poll has one more slot, “Bachelor Party” probably get it. Hookers. Guns. Drugs. Fire trucks. A donkey. Hookers. Tom Hanks. Alas…

“Back To School” is 100% worthy. Rodney. Smokes. Drugs (because Rodney’s there). A goddamn hot tub.

Not sure if Greenie was a college chubby chaser (nothing wrong with that) or just likes the slam dunk lay that the Omega Mus apparently were (“You Mus sure can party!”). But “Revenge of the Nerds” had easy broads and Wonder Joints, a joyous combo.

I got a few for “Boogie Nights” (one of my all-time faves). But I think those were just regular Saturdays at the porn palace, not like full-on blow-outs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s looks like a blast save for the ODing chicks. Just like a weekly thing. And fuck that New Year’s Eve party, too. People blowing their heads off is always a party-killer.

I’ve done a few of these ‘fuck it, I’ll ask Twitter what it thinks’ questions and what inevitably happens after awhile is you start getting really obscure answers by people trying too hard to think outside the box. And also people pick based on their feelings for the movie and not whether that movie’s party would actually be a great time.

Great scene…but do I really want to be around these savages? Also, in case you already forgot, deaths ruin parties.

If you’re trying to fuck an Ewok, I guess.

To each his own.

“Superbad” is a tremendous flick but that was an anxiety-ridden party.

Ummm, might wanna watch that one til the end, bud.

And some answers are just total WTFers?

Umm, you got a million movie parties to pick from and this is your choice?

Cast your vote here.