The People v. O.J. Simpson Episode 9 Recap: The Mark Fuhrman Tapes

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We have only one episode left after last night, which makes me very sad. But the episode starting off with the Current Event graphic and sound took me alllll the way back to elementary school, which made me happy.

Meester Yohnnie and The N Bomber F. Lee Bailey travel down to North Carolina to try to get a woman to turn over tapes of Mark Fuhrman talking about police work for a screenplay she wrote. And there is nothing like seeing Fake F. Lee Bailey slowly morph into sassy Nathan Lane.

Meester Yohnnie and gets cooked like Yohnnie Cakes by the Southern judge. I can’t lie, seeing Cochran pushed around like that shook me.

But then they appeal, Cochran tags in F. Lee Bailey, who butters up Southerners the way I figure anyone does. Talk about how great the South and God is.

Which leads to the Fuhrman tapes being sent to L.A. This group of tapes probably has more N words on them than Death Row Records’ entire catalog from the 90s.

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Which leads to the prosecution and defense listening to the tapes. This is about the time where anyone in an apartment building with a brain turned their TV volume down to the bare minimum. Now instead of playing the tapes on a blog like this, I have instead changed the audio to something almost as offensive to human ears.

And then Marcia Clark’s boss or whatever he is listens to the tapes, this time with a twist. In addition to being a racist, Mark Fuhrman also apparently is not a fan of Lance “Romance” Ito’s wife.

And oh yeah, he’s still a scumbag too.

So since Ito’s wife is involved with the tapes, the legal teams have to go to an independent judge to rule if they should be used in court.

And since Judge Reid is so boring and bland, everyone starts to lose their goddamn mind (these are my version of the events). On the bright side, we get the entire reason John Travolta is playing Robert Shapiro. Because we get a…

TRAVOLTA BOMB!!!

followed by a…

DARDEN BOMB!!!

After the tapes are allowed to be used, Judge Ito weighs on this decision for how much of the tapes will be played in court. So he goes to his hourglasses. I feel like the only people that like hourglasses more than Judge Ito are supervillains.

And we get our second Darden bomb of the night, as he takes on Meester Yohnnie and Lance Romance.

Marcia tries to later break the tension with maybe the worst joke of all-time.

Which leads us to Mark Fuhrman taking the stand. You know those Southwest Airways commercials that ended with “Wanna get away?” That’s Mark Fuhrman here.

And definitely here too.

Once Fuhrman gets on the stand, he basically becomes Tron from Chappelle’s Show.

And then Meester Yohnnie drops the hammer and the mic with this question. I don’t know if Fuhrman actually planted or manufactured any evidence in the OJ case, but I guess he just had to keep answering with the fifth.

And do you know what Mark Fuhrman does these days?

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Episode Grade: C. Just way too much legal mumbo jumbo to take in for me. Whenever something was being passed into a different court or ruled on, I had no idea if it was a good thing or a bad thing for either team. Now if we are grading this episode based on how awkward I felt during it, then I guess it’s an A+. I had no idea the Fuhrman tapes were THAT fucked up, so that was interesting. I mean I knew he had said the N word and had Nazi medals. I didn’t realize they had that kind of dirt on him though. If you told me Fuhrman was a boss character in Wolfenstein, I would believe you. And considering L.A. was still hurting from the Rodney King riots, you can see why people were worried about the city exploding again.

Next week is the last episode of this miniseries. Tuesday nights will never be the same again.