As fate would have it, I
fucking stupidly purchased a non-refundable ticket and realized I’m on the damn board and can get in already stumbled upon an extra ticket into the party of the year this Saturday, 9-2 at The Arts Ballroom (13th and Locust). So why not open it up to a lucky Stoolie or Stoolette to enjoy the festivities? And yes, this is for guys and gal alike. Even though life would be a trillion times easier, I am not switching teams mid-way through the season (Translation: I’m not gay, Mom, so stop asking), this night is about 2 things and 2 things only: Charity and balcuzzis fun. I want someone to join that will be a plus to the party and can keep up with the night. Think you got what it takes to get nuts? Shoot an email to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com, Tweet at me @SmittyBarstool, or fire over the most creative Snap to Smitty1581.
Why, yes, there are things that could separate you from the gaggle of dick and legally blind women who reach out for a ticket: Bonus points if you can get your friends to buy tix and it can be a group thang. That’ll honestly go a long way. The more the merrier for the cause. Mario Kart after party helps, as well.
No matter who comes with, the chances it ends up like a normal Saturday night like below? 100%. And I sadly wouldn’t want it any other way. Bring it.
PS – My parent’s cat was a sport taking that photo for the Cat Dating Site and she was just fine. I think.