Smitty’s Saga For Love Continues On (Part I)




We take our search for true love to the one place where only the bravest or craziest of men have traveled: A Cat Dating Website. We’ve featured on Barstool Philly as they have an absolutely BANANAS welcome message to feline lovers on their homepage that would make the most dedicated of rapists run for the hills. Have to see it to believe it, and even then you still think you’re being punked. Now we dive in head first with no regrets. Not for you, not for me, but for love.



THE PROSPECT: Puuurfect10


(After corresponding with this one the cat doesn’t even deserve to be associated with her)

And we’re off! The challenger fired the first shot:











NOTES: And there it is, the strike 3 of batshittidy. First it’s starting every conversation with LOL. Then it’s ending every sentence with an exclamation point. Finally it’s giving your pets human name. Not even close. Down 0-2 and gets rung up looking on a fastball right down the middle. A batshit backward’s K the likes of the dating game has ever seen.

If you give your pets real names that means there’s no doubt you interact with them as humans. Guaranteed this Ms. Dolittle not only has conversations with her cats but talks back for them, too. Almost as crazy the ex who legitimately would get mad at me when I used to cheat on her in her dreams. Apparently I’m a cocksman and a half in fantasy land. Would love to meet that guy and shake his hand.







NOTES: Gets a shot at a 2nd AB and she’s already in the hole 0-2. Admitting you play All I Want For Christmas Is You with your cats is crazy enough, but insinuating you do it in APRIL is grounds for deportation from Earth. Next pitch might have to be at her head just to put her out of commission for awhile.












Veteran move dodging giving away the number then the inevitable Facebook bullet. Gotta hand it to her, bitch went in for the kill. Amateur move giving my personal email address. Literally facepalmed once I realized I failed Catfishing 101. But if you think this is stuff is crazy, just wait until you see the emails that were corresponded. Bitch should not only be committed but tied up and sent off to Shutter Island. Only way society can survive.

Part Duex either tomorrow or Monday. Until then you can refresh yourself on previous dating blogs in the books:

Gluten Free Singles

What’s the next dating site to conquer?

Free Black Dates

Prison Pen Pals


Also, if there’s a dating website out there this face is not currently on (the amount of daily junk email I get from is borderline unconstitutional) Tweet it at me and I’ll see if there’s any hen-houses that can use a rooster.

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