Finally, THE Dream 'Exclusive' Golf Vacation Destination is Available to Us All: North Korea

AFP Contributor. Getty Images.

Say what you will about North Korea. Sure, it might be the kind of place where, if Dear Leader dies, every citizen is required to stop laughing, drinking or celebrating anything for 11 days. But I've written that same demand into my will. You might think sentencing anyone to hard labor and torturous death for the unforgivable crime of watching Squid Games. But is that any worse than our government forcing cable networks to carry C-SPAN? OK, so the precious few who have successful defected have had to endure all sorts of hardship, from starvation to being sold into slavery and the state has failed so spectacularly that there's a shortage of everything including human poop and it's the only country on the globe that can't be seen from space at night:

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And I'll even admit that for me it's a little personal because a few years ago the current leader took it upon himself to launch missiles over Okinawa, where one of my own was stationed.

But don't let these trivial matters discourage anyone from setting aside a few vacation days to visit the place. Because North Korean Tourism is about to take the world by storm:

Source - North Korea is trying its hand at a new forum for diplomacy: the golf course.

In a surprising move, the authoritarian regime is inviting foreign amateur golfers to a tournament at the Pyongyang Golf Course to “develop a friendship with North Korean amateur golfers” through DPRK Tourism, the nation’s official tourism website.

The website hails the course as the “world’s most exclusive,” according to Fox News. …

[V]isitors will be invited to try attractions like “an underwater golf course, archery ground and boating ground,” per The Telegraph. …

The Pyongyang Golf Course is legendary in North Korean lore for one main reason: former Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il supposedly hit 11 hole-in-ones the first time he picked up a club at the course in 1994.

Tough break, Scotland. Bad news for you, Ireland. Looks like the price of hotel near Pebble Beach is about to drop. So much for all those Stay & Play resorts in Arizona, Florida, and the Carolinas. Because there is a new kid on the golf tourism block, and none of you stand a chance of competing with him. I mean, why haul your clubs all the way to Australia when you can just hop a quick flight over to Pyongyang? And the days of pretending that, say, St. Andrews is some great historic spot are over, now that duffers will get to walk the same hallowed ground where Kim Jong-il carded his 11 aces.

Still, this raises so many questions. Like first of all, what is an underwater golf course? Is it in an underseas dome like in Aquaman? Or are you actually in the water? Is it over your head so you need scuba gear, or is it like waist deep? And are their land hazards fronting the greens? 

More to the point, how is the Pyongyang Golf Course experience? Is there a snack bar, or does everyone eat whatever they can catch in the woods and the ponds? Is there a beer cart? Because that sounds a little Capitalistic Western Decadence-y to me. Do you walk it? If there are carts, are they like 1950s era the way all the cars in Cuba are? If you use caddies, are they the professional kind, or just political prisoners doing hard labor for having counter-revolutionary thoughts? And if that's the case, are you supposed to tip? More importantly do they keep the noise down? Because the last thing anyone needs is to hear the screams of dissents while you're in the middle of your backswing. 

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Regardless, count me in. Because nothing says "Buddy Trip" like a few relaxing, friendly rounds with your pals, courtesy of DPRK Tourism.