I found the perfect tan line.

Large9/09/2022 5:20 PM

A couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about how nobody wants to work anymore. It thrilled THOUSANDS of people who agreed with my sentiment... Including Deion Sanders.

And it absolutely TRIGGERED about a dozen people who don't enjoy working.

Giphy Images.

Well, today, I am going to pivot and talk about a small business that is working harder than anyone I know. It's part of a series that I ran during the early days of the pandemic (some have called it the precursor to the Barstool Fund) that I am resurrecting just for this blog called…

The business I am highlighting today is called Bronze By Brazil. It is located in scenic Miami Gardens and they are so fucking busy…

HOW BUSY ARE THEY!!!

They are so busy, that they are turning people away in order to satisfy the existing customers of their "tape tanning" services.

What is tape tanning, you ask?

It is pretty much what it sounds like… Tanning professionals stick tiny bikinis made of adhesive tape to your body and then put you out in the sun to bake with little-to-no consideration for potentially cancerous results.

Whenever your session is over, they simply reel you back inside and carefully peel away the tape, leaving you with a crisp and perfect tan line…

(I apologize for the Insta re-directs within this blog, but still pictures do not do this process the justice it deserves.)

On top of traditional tan lines, Bronze By Brazil also offers tanning stencils, so in addition to a razor-sharp bikini line, the customer below also got 3 stars burnt into her pelvis that (maybe) represent the three kids she abandons every week to tan and then bang guys outside of the Gentleman's Club she works at.

I say "maybe" because I don't know this woman at all, but I am not above making wild assumptions for the sake of a cheap laugh.

And how did I come across this biz?

While researching the Twisted History of Beauty Pageants featuring myself, Vibbs, and former Miss Oklahoma contestant- Kontent Kim.

Instead of linking 20 more pictures of Bronze By Brazil, I invite you to click on the 2 I embedded below and then peruse the rest of their Instagram at your leisure…

Perhaps give them a follow…

And if you're ever in Miami, stop by for a couple of perfectly cut (tan) lines.