Joe Burrow Threw Out The First Pitch In The Reds’ Home Opener, And It Went Exactly The Way You’d Expect

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Who'd a thunk it? Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow, AKA the most statistically accurate passer in the NFL from last season, strutted to the mound at Great American Ball Park to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Reds before their matchup with the Guardians and… 

Drumroll please

STEEEEEEEEE-RYKE!

If you want to nitpick the guy, I'm not here for it. Joe Brr maintained his cool and swagger AND didn't throw it at full velocity so as not to potentially kill his head coach. That's right. Bengals boss Zac Taylor served as the backstop for Burrow's toss. 

Good on Joey B. for not bringing the heat. Not to say Taylor couldn't handle it, but this is yet another instance of Joe being classy AF, understanding the situation and making the right decision. No temptation to overdo it and show off that arm strength. This dude doesn't miss. Like imagine if he threw a steamy four-seamer in there and tweaked his arm! We'd be aghast and devastated. Joe has been through enough injuries and hits through his first two seasons. No need to risk ANYTHING here whatsoever.

I know MLB is just getting underway, but damnit, is it football season yet? Sheesh. I mean at least the draft is coming up soon, which the Bengals are about to smash. They'll soon add even more talent to a roster that's only improved since making that run all the way to the Super Bowl. Joey B. throwing to JC, Tee and TB behind a much-improved o-line is something I'm dying to see at this point. Until then, we'll have to settle for Bengals cameos at other sporting events.

Even if you're not IN Cincinnati, I think we can all agree Joe is the fucking man. He's an undeniable, unifying force that can take some of the sting off of what's going down with the Reds at the minute, as their curmudgeonly president casually tossed around the idea of moving the team.

ANYWAY, play ball!!!