(This is Part 3 of a blog series where I created my own NFL season and made up the results all year long. You can get a further explanation and catch up on the regular season and Wild Card Round through the links above).
It's the best weekend in sports. The Divisional Round Playoffs. In the "real world," it was perhaps the best round of playoff football ever. Could my fantasy land live up to that hype? Let's find out. Our playoff matchups are as follows.
4) Bengals @ 1) Chiefs
3) Titans @ 2) Bills
7) 49ers @ 1) Packers
5) Lions @ 3) Bucs
3) Titans - 21
2) Bills - 31
As the 2 seed in my world, the Bills get an extra playoff game at the Ralph. And it pays off for them. D’Onta Foreman (one of my favorite players in football) was the lone bright spot for the Titans. Despite Derrick Henry’s return, Foreman still managed to lead the team with 98 rushing yards and a touchdown. Ryan Tannehill sucked. Because he does suck. Josh Allen put up great numbers: 3 TDs to 3 incompletions. Dawson Knox scored the first TD because I love to bet that. Devin Singletary (my cousin) had a monster game with 168 total yards and 2 TDs. So the Bills reach the AFC Championship for a second straight season.
7) 49ers - 20
1) Packers - 17
This game happened in the real world too and had similar results. I don't want to mess with reality too much here. My game had some more scoring just for excitement's sake. Elijah Mitchell scored a TD in this because I bet him to score a touchdown. Jimmy G was classic Jimmy G. 11-18 for 108 yards 0 TD 1 INT but enough to win. Aaron Rodgers got the ball back with 1 minute left but threw an interception because he is a choke artist. He then posted a bunch of cryptic Instagrams after the game because he's a drama queen.
4) Bengals - 17
1) Chiefs - 34
This matchup happened one week early in the Tommy Smokes World. And we have different results here. The Chiefs don't do that stupid in bounds pass play at the end of the first half to cost themselves points, and instead they cruise to an easy victory. The Chiefs got out to an early lead and never let up. Mahomes ran for 78 yards on the ground to easily cash the “Play Of My Career” of over 25.5 rushing yards. Tyreek Hill did a lot of really fast shit. Byron Pringle put up 120 yards and a TD. (I just like Byron Pringle). Joe Burrow got sacked 6 times, but he wore a really cool outfit to the game so everyone sucked him off anyway.
5) Detroit Lions @ 3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Didn't want to spoil the final score here. Because this was the game of the weekend. The game of the year. The game of the millennium. The Bucs got out a 14-0 lead in the first quarter on 2 TDs to Gronk. Uh oh. Same old Lions. Of course Brady would never lose to Detroit. Or so you think. Detroit scored 17 points in the second quarter to go up 17-14 at the half. Amon-Ra St. Brown had 112 yards and a TD in the quarter. The Lions got the ball to start the second half and Tom Kennedy (who I met last month through Stu Feiner and was very nice) returned the kickoff for a touchdown, putting Detroit up 24-14. Bucs get the ball back and Brady throws a Pick 6 to Amani Oruwariye ( a fun name to say). And the Lions are up 31-14 with 12 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter. Wow.
But never count Tom out. Can Brady stage another comeback? Yes he can. The Bucs score a TD (Fournette run), the Lions go 3 and out, the Bucs score another TD (Brady sneak). It’s now 31-28 Lions with 10 minutes to go in the 4th quarter. The Lions get the ball back and try to stage a drive but Goff throws a Pick 6 to Sean Murphy-Bunting and just like that, the Bucs are up 35-31. The Lions are going to choke again. They get the ball back with 8 minutes left and have a 4th and 2 at midfield. They’re stuffed. Bucs get the ball back with 4:42 to go on the clock on the Lions 48 yard line. They drive down and have a 3rd and 6 on the Lions 20 yard line with 1:30 left. They run a draw to Fournette who is stuffed at the line. The Lions are out of timeouts though to the clock runs down. The Bucs kick a field goal to go up 38-31 with 44 seconds left. The kickoff is a touchback.
So here it is. Jared Goff and the Lions have the ball at their own 25 yard line with no timeouts and 44 seconds left down 38-31. First play is an out route to Hockenson for 12 yards. He gets out of bounds. 37 seconds left at their own 37. Next throw is incomplete. 33 seconds left. Next throw is deep down field and……. CONNECTS to St. Brown but he can’t get out of bounds! Tackled at the Bucs 22 yard line. The Lions hurry up and spike the ball with 13 seconds left. Next play Goff rolls out, nobody is open, he tosses it out of bounds with 7 seconds left. Last play. The Bucs bring the pressure. Goff drops back and tosses it deep along the left sideline. Josh Reynolds goes up for it in double coverage and MAKES THE CATCH. Did he get both feet down?????? It’s close. The refs huddle up. YESSSSSSS. TOUCHDOWN DETROIT AS TIME EXPIRES. But wait a second….. The Lions aren’t kicking the extra point. Dan Campbell mouths “Let’s win this fucking game” and keeps the offense on the field. OH MY HEAVENS. The balls on this team!!!!! Goff lines up in the shotgun with Swift to his right. They spread the offense out with 2 receivers on each side. Goff gets it and scrambles right. Nobody is open. He keeps it. He puts his head down and barrels towards the goal line. He’s met with contact by Devin White but sticks the ball out. Did he cross the plane??????? YES HE DID. LIONS WIN. LIONS WIN. LIONS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Told you guys it was the game of the millennium.
So that sets us up with an epic Conference Championship weekend. The heavyweights in the AFC. The underdogs in the NFC.
2) Bills @ 1) Chiefs
7) 49ers @ 5) Lions
Tune in tomorrow for the results!