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Another Day, Another Absolutely BONKERS Airport Brawl

On April 26th, it was an all out brawl at the Miami airport over the final seat on a flight. On April 30th, it was a donnybrook at Chicago's O'Hare. And now this one, completing the trifecta. Ironically enough, on a flight from Miami to Chicago. 

In the way that 2020 will forever be remembered as The Year of Covid, a third of the way through 2021 and it's shaping up to be the Year of the Airport Terminal Brawl. With the two major hubs being these two great American cities. 

There's a lot to unpack here. Beginning with the woman screaming on the flight that she wasn't sitting in her assigned seat for whatever reason. Apparently she was being shouted down for not masking up as well. But whatever it was that she was demonstrably giving no fucks about, it was enough for the airline to return to the gate and make everyone get off. 

I'm too lazy to break down the All-22s here, so I'll let Daily Mail handle the scouting report:

There, a woman with long, blonde hair tells starts confronting another woman appearing to tell her she's 'going to f*** your ass off.'

A man she was with tries to pull her away, but soon after, another man in a yellow sweatshirt grabs a woman in black Adidas sweatpants by her neck and pulls her down to the ground. 

He forces her to the floor of the terminal, and starts dragging her by her hair, as people gather around and watch the violence unfold.

After the first woman was pulled to the ground, the woman with long, blonde hair gets involved to try and fight the woman in black sweatpants, but ends up getting dragged herself. 

Meanwhile, another man in a black and white t-shirt tries to separate the fighting passengers. ...

Meanwhile, a fourth woman decides to get involved and grabs the woman with the long blonde hair by her hair to pull her away from the fight, while screaming, 'Girl you need to sit down.'

She also alleges the woman she is holding is not sober.

The massive brawl reportedly started over a female plane passenger not wearing a mask.

I've said this before and I'll say it again now. The only part of modern life that is not better than it used to be is air travel. In fact, it's appreciably worse. You watch old movies or classic "Twilight Zones" or whatever, and flying was considered elegant. Men wore suits and ties. Ladies wore dresses and hats. Meals were served. The service was impeccable. Even merely choosing to be a flight attendant made you sexy and glamorous. It was like being a fashion model, but with more adventure. 

Now? Now a plane is a rush hour subway train with wings. The stands at a 1976 Oakland Raiders game with seatbacks and tray tables. A cruel sociological experiment in which people from all walks of life are penned up in a metal tube like veal calves, and if the 19-year-old girl behind you doesn't take off her flip flops and put her bare feet on your arm rest, you consider yourself fortunate. And the terminals are now "Lord of the Flies," where we are left to fend for ourselves. Remember how post-9/11, they were they were the safest place in the world to be? Homeland Security was all over the place like the Secret Service at a presidential speech. But based on these airport brawl videos, they lose all interest in you once you're through the metal detector and putting your shoes back on.

It was 20 years ago that Al Qaeda tried to bring the U.S. economy to its knees by making us afraid to fly. Now we're doing it to ourselves. How bad is it? Ask yourself this: When was the last time you heard of a hijacking? I think the extremists are like, "I'm still ready to die for the cause, just don't ask me to get on a flight. The last one I took was three hours long and all they gave us was a four ounce water and a bag with five mini pretzels. I'd rather just strap on a C4 vest and run into a marketplace somewhere." 

And obviously the mask issue is just another inciting incident. Another spark to set off the powder keg we're already sitting on. Everyone is frustrated by the time we stow our carry ons and fasten that seat belt. And there's always one or two who refuse to live by the rules. And several more who are going to call them out for it. So you've got the perfect conditions for drawing battle lines. And we've got war in the terminals. 

As someone who actually flew a few times early on in Covid, when the airlines opened back up, I know I'm always going to miss those days. It's the closest I'll ever come to having a private jet. Everything in the terminals was shut down - the bars, the coffee shops, the newsstands - which was a little unnerving. A little post-apocalyptic. But once you realized there was no one sitting near you and the seat next to you on the plane was empty by federal mandate? It was heaven. Even the stewardi were pleasant and engaging. I guess partly out of boredom, but also because they weren't nearly as stressed out. So they'd chat you up and offer to bring you things like it was the Golden Age of flying. But that ship quickly sailed, never to return. Now you see one when they say "Hello" and again when they say "Buh-bye" and at no time in between. And the terminals that were blessedly empty are now filled with flying fists, hair pulls and the sounds of "I'm gonna fuck your ass off." 

The damned thing is, there's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you have no choice but to fly. And this is a part of the experience now. All any of can do is keep our heads on a swivel and our phones at the ready. Because the next one of these will be coming in a week or so. Guaranteed.