This Theory About Where Cam Newton Gets His Fashion Ideas May be the Death of Jeff Garcia
When noted NFL quarterback/fashion critic Jeff Garcia went on this deranged rant about Cam Newton and how when he has a bad game, he needs to ask the equipment manager to sneak him out of the building in his ... jock ... sock ... cart ... or whatever, I don't think he was fully aware of what he was implying.
I mean, we had a quarterback here for the last 20 years who was known for some haute cotoure suits, individualistic hairstyles and unique choices of head coverings. And he took a lot worse abuse over that than anything Jeff Garcia is dishing out. Even with all the rings and awards.
So how is this supposed to work exactly in Jeff Garcia's perfect world? Should a guy like Newton bring two outfits to work, one for a W and another, more muted selection in case he gets pulled in the 3rd quarter of a blowout? Do we need to implement postgame quarterback dress codes like a Catholic school? Uniforms like a "Handmaid's Tale"? Does a QB need to win rings before he's allowed to express himself sartorially? How many rings would that be? And does this extend to everyone or just the guy under center? And what about the backup? It's been a couple of days and I have so questions that still remain unanswered.
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And the topic of Cam Newton's dress code will only become more of a hot button issue once this theory gains traction. Someone has Twitter thread that suggests Newton gets his fashion inspiration from ... Beanie Babies.
Admittedly, a lot of them are reaches. "Cam wearing brown so here's a brown seal" or "His jacket is yellow, this is a giraffe" or whatever. But some of them are so spot on, I'm not sure this doesn't have some creedence.
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I don't hate it. If we're being perfectly honest, I'll enjoy the idea a lot more if he puts up a line of 300 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs, 120.0 passer rating in a win at Buffalo. And if he does, I'll be tracking this as the season goes on. But if he gets pulled again in another blowout, I might be drawn over to the dark side with Jeff Garcia. Then I'll be hoping Jarrett Stidham's postgame attire comes from some other line of toys. Something a little more conventionally manly. Like GI Joe or Ken.
But if Newton can turn the season around, he can wear all the Beanie Baby suits his heart desires.
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P.S. Erika called a little while ago. I told her this is the post I was working on, and she was happy for me. I'm a grown man who's unqualified to do anything else. And who works for the greatest company in the world.