In Defense Of ALLEGEDLY Getting Pooped On From Time To Time

First of all, big shout out to Ohios Tate for getting a Barstool blog on the official Reddit poop fetish page, r/Coprophiles.

(** Coprophilia, n. Sexual attraction and/or arousal from feces. A person with this fetish (or kink, if you prefer) is a coprophile. The act of eating feces, which may or may not be part of a coprophile's activity, is called coprophagia. ~ cue 'the more you know' star GIF ~ )

Though r/Coprophiles doesn't appear to be a heavily trafficked page it gave me a lot of insight into the shamefully judgemental 'why in the ever-loving FUUUUUUUUÜUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK would you be into that lifestyle?!" type questions I had. And quite honestly I think I sort of understand it now after browsing. It's just part of being open with what interests you in a loving relationship:

The most in-depth & enlightening response to that question came from a redditor we'll call 'Turd Ferguson': 

I'm single now but during my marriage it was a big part of our lives, though not all-consuming. We met by chance in circumstances which accelerated our need to explore the possibilities between us. I took a risk on the same day we'd first slept together and told her that I would love to share the intimacy of being there when she used the toilet, and she was okay with that, seeming a little amused. However when it came turd time she slipped away on her own.

I let my disappointment show and she seemed a bit taken aback "What, you want to see me shitting as well?" Realizing that this was the critical moment, I told her that at least I'd like her not to flush because I would love to enjoy seeing her turds, as long as they were as beautiful as any turd coming out of her was bound to be. She laughed at my clumsy attempt at flattery and told me that she would have to think about it, but the next day she came out smiling and told me that she thought that what she had just left in the toilet was a pretty worthy effort and she would like to have my opinion on the matter.

I went in and was delighted to see that she had left the used toilet paper wrapped in clean paper and lying on the cistern so that the view inside the bowl was unobstructed. After kneeling in front of the bowl and taking my time to drink in the ambience, I returned to the bedroom to find her laid out in anticipation. Evidently this new type of intimacy had turned her on about as much as it had me and our lovemaking was quite ecstatic, setting the pattern for what was to come.

We never got into any heavy scat, mostly enjoying sharing our turds, exploring them with our fingers as they were developing and fantasizing about how they were going to enhance our lives. We developed something of a low-key obsession, always aware of what we were each harbouring and exploring new ways to incorporate it into our bedroom activities. Even when we were entertaining friends, there was always that Turd in the Room between us and occasionally we wondered if our guests might be picking up on it. Although we never talked about it philosophically, it was a huge part of our bonding because it was 'cosa nostra'. Before we met she had never had any interest in scat and she would likely have baulked at serious scat play, but that suited me pretty well.

This will seem weird and oddly sentimental I suppose, but although we parted over ten years ago I still have one of her best turds that I preserved, and at least when I last saw her a couple of years ago, she still had one of mine. All rather tame by the standards of this Reddit, but while it lasted, it was very very good.

So you see, whether you are dropping dainty rabbit nuggs on each other's eager, freshly shorn chests or molding your lover's turds into chess pieces, it's really not that weird. In fact, if you're not secure enough in your relationship to push out steaming loads of last night's clam bake on your monogrammed bath towels while holding hands, maybe you're the weirdos. 

If Odell is ALLEGEDLY doing these things then he's clearly just ALLEGEDLY comfortable & confident with himself and isn't it good to know a receiver both for the Browns and of the browns? Plus he's not the only celeb ALLEGEDLY into scat; lest we forget he ALLEGEDLY joins the ranks of anti-virus software guru John McAfee & kid's show superstar Blippi. 

In closing, with fantasy draft SZN upon us, I say the bravery of Beckham Jr. to ALLEGEDLY be himself in the bedroom makes him my #1 pick for #2s. 

If you feel the same way & I've piqued a new interest, here's some ideas on how to get started in the lifestyle:

And if I still haven't changed your heart, there's a VICE explaining what women find so sexy about poop, so fellas… pay attention!

If you disagree with me be sure to click & share/smear wide and far so that everyone can see what a freak I am and also because maybe above dignity & my real thoughts (why in the ever-loving FUUUUUUUUÜUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK would you be into that lifestyle?!) I just really need clicks this week ha ha