Grading The Barstool Chicago 90's Music Draft

This blog is three or four days late so apologies at the top. It's what they call a Friday of a Holiday weekend news dump.

Though I had hoped for it to subside, the agony of defeat is still fresh. 

Some are saying I got my dick kicked in. (Eddie)

Others (basically just Dave the owner of Declan's) are patting me on the back for a well-earned victory. (Pyrrhic I think?)

To be honest, I knew walking out of the building last week that I didn't show up. But to my defense, I had no idea what I was walking into.

These guys meant fuckin business. 

I was expecting a cakewalk. I've heard these guys' playlists over the years, I've seen Dave's takes on guitarists, bands, and Taylor Hawkins being "the real star of Foo Fighters"

I knew as soon as I walked in these guys meant business. They were all silent, buried in their laptops. I tried to make small talk but they asked if I was ready and then Eddie motioned to video guy Matt to start recording. 

I wasn't even aware of the rules. 

"Were we drafting based strictly on the musician(s) catalogue from Jan 1, 1990 through Dec 31, 1999? 

Or

Were we drafting like a real draft? Basing it on upside potential?"

Eddie gave me his best middle-school, too-stoned to care, art teacher response and told me "interpret it however I want."

Uh ok.

Then they started guessing numbers to determine draft order. 

I had no idea what was happening so when it got to me I just shouted number 4. Before I knew it Dave landed the first pick and immediately took the 5 slot. The others were snatched up and I had the 4. Carl got stuck with the last pick which ended up bing the #1 overall. He didn't seem pleased.

He accused the room of conspiring to bump him out of the 5 hole. I had no idea what he was talking about but I could see White Sox Dave with an evil grin on his face from across the room. 

The draft was about to begin.

(I'm going to do my best Todd McShay (friend of the program, nbd) to break down the picks individually and grade them before weighing in a final grade at the end)

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DISCLAIMER - We're talking probably the deepest draft in history here. The 90s were the golden age of so many genres of music- Rap, alt rock, boy bands, teen bop. This draft could have went 20 rounds and we'd still be picking legendary musicians at pick 99 and 100. Keep that in mind while you get infuriated at some of these.

ROUND 1 

Pick #1 - Carl - Dave Matthews Band, "Miscellaneous Band", Charlottesville, VA

The Rock Tennis GIF Giphy Images.

Tremendous selection by Carl here. If we're being honest here, maybe a bit of a reach considering the others in the draft's needs. But with myself picking 3 spots then 6 spots after, there was no guarantee DMB would still be there at 10. 

The bullshit he's been receiving for this selection is just that- bullshit.

Like he said in his blog, Dave Matthews Band encompasses everything that made up the 90s. 

They have SMASH hits. For days and days and days. They're one of the few bands that you'll be able to play when you're old and wrinkly for your grandkids and not be humiliated to say you listened to them on repeat back in the day. Do you realize how few of bands we have like this compared to say, our grandparents? Ever think of what our "oldies" stations are gonna be playing? Puke)

Dave fucks. 

Pick #2 - Chief - NSync - Boy Band, Orlando, FL

Jay Z Reaction GIF by Complex Giphy Images.

Yikes. Boy bands might have been the deepest position in this draft, and to take one here at two means you are looking to build your team around them. NSync is not going to carry your team to the promised. They're just not. Justin Timberlake had enough on his plate carrying the other 4 jamokes nevermind the rest of your team Chief. 

Chief argued here that Timberlake was a once in a lifetime superstar. Which he definitely is. But, as an NSync guy myself, even I have to tip the cap here to Backstreet Boys when it comes to grading their overall performance. Especially in the 1990's. NSync was big, but Backstreet Boys were huge. And again, I preferred N*Sync's songs to BSB's. Still do. Call me a loser, don't care. "Tearin Up My Heart" will get any party going. Even at a funeral home.

This pick also got us into a great discussion.

What the fuck happened to male R&B groups? Or R&B groups in general for that matter?

112? Jagged Edge? Jodeci? Bel Biv Devoe? Next? SWV? Total? TLC? 

These groups were fucking incredible. The music industry needs to get their heads out of their asses and go back to allowing groups to succeed rather than squeezing the life/money out of them and urging/forcing them to divide. (One Direction perfect 2019 example).

PICK #3 - Eddie - Blink 182, "Flex Position, Alt Band, Miscellaneous", Poway California

This is how I knew I was playing with professionals here. Eddie with just a monster pick here in the 3 slot. Blink is versatile enough to play the Alternative Rock Band position or switch to the Miscellaneous group with a respectful "Yes Sir". 

Just an all time group beloved by everybody with a brain.

Pick #4 - Me, Britney Spears, Female Pop/Teen Bop, McComb, Mississippi

This pick honestly needs no explanation. If Britney Spears is still hanging around at the end of the 1st round you have to snatch her up. Just have to. Best talent on the board. Transcended pop music and was an international sex symbol back before the internet was a thing and everything you could imagine was at your fingertips. She made generations of boys into men. And girls went absolutely berserk for her music then and still do today. 

When those piano keys hit you know what fuckin time it is.

Pick #5 - White Sox Dave - Backstreet Boys, Boy Band, Orlando, Florida

Great pick here by WSD. If you decided to go boy band in the first round this was the pick to take. Again, not my personal favorite but the consensus. 

ROUND 2

Pick #6 - White Sox Dave - Christina Aguilera, Female Pop/Teen Bop, Staten Island, New York, NY

Solid choice here. The Christina of today has seen better days, but we're not talking about today. We're talking 1990s. And back then, if you had what it took to go 12 rounds with Britney you were a serious contender. Aguilera obviously had the voice of an angel, especially compared to Spears, I think her only drawback was she only went halfway on the sex symbol sell out route while Spears went the whole way. 

I mean, with a voice like this you can't really blame her for expecting people to take her seriously.

Pick #7 - Me, The Notorious B.I.G., Rapper, Brooklyn, NY

Said it then and I'll write it here. Best rapper of all time, not just the 90s. This pick was a no brainer. Best in his class in this or any draft. Landing him at 7 was a steal. Not to brag but two absolute steals in a row for me at this point. Looks like I'm running away with it here.

Pick #8 - Eddie, Tupac, Rapper, Harlem, NY

Yes, Tupac was from New York. Don't get it twisted.

This began a short run on rappers with Eddie snatching up the consensus #2. Big drop off from Biggie if we're talking quality. Quantity wise, Tupac all day. Tupac will give you 25 carries a game for 60-80 yards. Biggie will break off 2 or 3 for 20+ and a couple TDs.

Pick #8 - Chief, Dr. Dre, Rapper, Compton, CA

Clearly Chief knows something that the people up here don't.

Didn't hate this pick but felt like it was another big reach. Especially with Nas, Jay-Z, Eminem, and Snoop all still on the board. Feel like Dr. Dre would have still been there at 4th or 5th round.

Pick #10 - Carl - The Smashing Pumpkins, Alt Rock Band, Chicago, IL

Haven't seen a hometown pick this big since the Bulls were gifted Derrick Rose in the 2008 draft. Huge get here for Carl and he is on fire on the rock side of the ball. DMB and the pumpkins. Gonna be tough to overcome that duo.

(White Sox Dave also told an extremely anti climatic Billy Corgen story here)

God what a great song

ROUND 3

Pick #11 - Carl, Eminem, Rapper, Detroit, Michigan

There were a few flags thrown here but they were picked up. Yes Eminem was techincally a 90's rapper. His debut album Infinite (yup 1997) and 2nd album The Slim Shady LP (1999) both 90s albums. 

If we're talking strictly 90s here, there's not a lot of material to work with, but you're talking one of the top 10, arguably 5 greatest at his position of all time. Solid pick again from Carl.

Pick #12 - Chief, Sublime, Alt Rock, Long Beach, California

Finally Chief get's in the game here in the 3rd round. Amazing band, amazing pickup value here in the 3rd round.

Pick #13 - Eddie, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Alt Rock, Los Angeles, California

What a fucking band. I don't know why I doubted Eddie so much coming into this (maybe because of his age?) but he was killing it so far. Oh yah now I remember. Because before making this selection he asked the group if RHCP were a 90s band. 

Clown question bro.

Pick #14 - Me, Green Day, Alt Rock, Berkeley, CA

This historians will look back and cite this moment as the point where the wheels came completely off. We were burning down the field. Downhill. On sleds. Defense could't fucking stop us. Then I way overthought things here and went with Green Day. 

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A solid band yes. Absolutely.

But how do you take them with two bands I've written dozens of blogs about in 4 months- Pearl Jam and Nirvana, BOTH still on the board.

Inexcusable. 

This was the point the rest of the room smelled blood in the water. 

Drago was cut. 

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Pick 15 - White Sox Dave, Garth Brooks, Miscellaneous, Tulsa, OK

Major point of controversy here. 

According to the rest of the league, White Sox Dave has publicly denounced Garth Brooks and made it clear he is not a fan. He was accused of taking this pick to block Chief from getting him in the next round. (Made for really good listening). In Dave's own defense, he cited "Friends In Low Places" being a great sing-a-long song.

(p.s. - If you haven't seen the Garth Brooks doc on Netflix, I could not recommend it enough. Really made me like him as an artist and a person even more than I already did. I'm going to hopefully get around to doing a blog on it, and the Beastie Boys doc in the next week or so so I'll save the meat for that. But if you need something to watch this weekend throw that on)

ROUND 4

PICK #16 - Foo Fighters, Alt Rock, Seattle, WA

Another controversial pick here from WSD. Dave has gone on record many times knocking Dave Grohl. (One of the greatest performers I've ever seen in my life). He doesn't think he sucks, just thinks that Taylor Hawkins is the alpha of Foo Fighters, and Grohl has never been the best member in any band he's ever been in.

Fighting words.

(p.s. - back when we still got to go to concerts, I got to see Foo Fighters at Wrigley. I think I stood there in one place the entire 2.5 hours they played with my jaw on the ground. In awe at how fuckin loud Grohl screamed (perfectly in tune mind you) for the whole time, and how energetic he was. The band was incredible live. Grohl is a legend.)

Pick #17 - Me, Boyz II Men, Boy Band, Philadelphia, PA

Told you. Obviously still rattled from the Green Day pick, I overthought this one as well. Great group. Hall of Fame talent. But "Boy Band"? More so R&B or miscellaneous for draft purposes. 

Pick #18- Eddie, Hanson, Boy Band, Tulsa, OK

Whoa. 

Eddie was very confident in this selection. The crowd was stunned. 

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These kids had one song. 

One.

With like 4 words in it.

As McShay famously said, "the best ability is availability." 

And K̶F̶C̶ Hanson was definitely available.

Pick #19 - Mariah Carey, Female Pop/Teen Bop, Huntington, NY

Just a monster land here for Chief. Clearly feasting in the later rounds like Bill Belichick. 

One of the most amazing voices of all time. A hit list that rivals anybody's. 

 

Pick #20 - Carl, Shania Twain, Female Pop, Teen Bop, Windsor, Canada

Carl is just lapping the field at this point. All time singer, all time babe Shania Twain at the #20 spot wrapping up the 4th round. Talk about value. 

ROUND 5

Pick #21 - Carl, New Kids On The Block, Boy Band, Dorchester, Massachusetts

For transparency purposes, if you're not going to listen to the podcast, it's worth noting that Carl originally attempted to draft The Beastie Boys as his "boy band".

He tried slipping them in by loophole, but was shouted down by the rest of the room. 

New Kids rounded out his draft and filled his need at Boy Band. Solid backup.

Pick #22- Chief, George Strait, Miscellaneous, Poteet, TX

The Babe Ruth of Country Music here for Chief's final pick and choice to fill his miscellaneous slot. Not shabby.

Pick #23 - Eddie, The Spice Girls, Female Pop/Teen Bop, London, England

This pick left the room divided. Some felt it was a strong selection, other's felt there were much better choices in the female pop position left. 

I was a fan of the pick because if we're talking fame and success from an international level, Spice Girls all day over an American star like Mandy Moore, or Willa Ford. 

Which leads us into my next and last pick.

PICK #24 - Me, Ricky Martin, Miscellaneous, San Juan, Puerto Rico

Got shamed bad for this one but people forget that during the 90s Ricky Martin he was basically king of the world. Chicks were OBSESSED with the guy (this was before he came out of the closet). He had WORLD ANTHEMS, World Cup Anthems, he was massive. Hate this pick all you want but it's the thinking man's choice.

 

Pick #25 - White Sox Dave, Snoop Dogg, Rapper, Long Beach, California

When a draft's Mr. Irrelevant is Snoop Dogg you know that draft was stocked with talent. Great value here at the 25 spot for Dave. Rounding out a draft that, again, I think could have went 20 rounds with the amount of awesome bands and musicians we were blessed with in the 90s. 

FINAL GRADES -

Carl - A
Eddie - B+
WSD - B
Chief - C
Me- D

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p.s. - Did I go out of my way to do this blog and include a reference to McShay just so I had a reason to post one the greatest videos in internet history? 

Debatable.