I'm having one of those "am I in a simulation" moments as we speak. It's isn't for the obvious reason - two kids managed to get two plastic cars to McDonald's without anyone stopping and thinking 'is this a good idea?'. It's more so because of the coincidence of it all. Last week I blogged about kids in a toy car getting yelled at by an old lady because they didn't have a license as well as a story about a man ripping the drive-thru window off a wendy's due to a lack of mustard on his $2 cheeseburger. Two stories that should never meet, have met. Interesting.
Now that I'm seeing two worlds collide, it really makes me contemplate whether this is real life or I'm dead. It could be a case of I died -or I'm in a coma, just really anything that would have me out for a prolonged period of time - and my brain just keeps recycling the last few news stories I remember into new, different stories that I would (hopefully) accept as reality.
Well, I'm here to tell you if this is a falsified simulation news story of sorts, then I'm a huge sucker because I'm gonna blog it anyways.
Two children got to pick up their first McDonald's in months in their toy toddler cars, that they 'drove' through the drive-thru.
After finding out that the fast food chain was reopening their drive-thru service, 13-year-old Danielle Martin begged her mum, Taz, to take her to their nearest branch of the fast food chain.
Woah woah woah.
(yep. that's six woahs. put that in your pipe and smoke on it.)
Just slow down a minute. I thought the headline said 'excited children'. I wasn't expecting a fucking 13-year-old to hop in behind the wheel of this thing. It seems like something that a couple of younger kids may do, not a fucking teenager. If you ask almost any other 13-year-old if they'd be willing to
drive peddle a toy car all the way to McDonald's, they'd probably flip you off or do a tik tok dance right in your fucking face, effectively rendering you useless.
Taz, 42, initially refused, telling her daughter the queues would be "ridiculous" - but Dannielle persisted, trying to come up with creative ways to get her hands on a Big Mac meal.
And when the teen sent her mum a photo of a children's Little Tikes toy car, joking: "This is what I need", Taz decided to humour her - and got her hands on two of the cars for her two daughters.
Oh ya think, Taz? This is what you need? Using your kids for your own sick, twisted entertainment. Well, maybe your kids need a parent who will just quickly run them through the drive-thru when they ask after two fucking months without it. That's all they ever wanted.
There is actually a part of me that understands the quirky nature of your kids offering to accomplish an absurd feat for something that, in the long run, doesn't do much. Been there, done that. However, there comes a point where the parent has to step back and wonder 'does this make any sense?'. Sure, you're getting a quick laugh but if her main thing was not wanting to wait, she's doing a horrible job on clock management.
SHE LITERALLY HAS TO DRIVE/FOLLOW THEM TO MCDONALDS ANYWAYS. She probably had to pay for the whole fucking thing too but that's beside the point. Like just be a fucking good mom. Let them into your car, go get McDonald's, and be done with it. It's infinitely easier, quicker and you don't run the risk of someone taking out your child because they're trying to drive a toy car.
Nope. Instead, she makes her kids go on some sort of sick errand, in the pouring rain no less. You can literally watch in the video that the rain is just POURING down. It's a borderline hurricane out there. The kids are probably having a terrible time, the food is getting soggy all over the place. It's a disaster. It doesn't mean a thing to Taz as long as she gets a quick laugh.
I just hope this McDonald's run was all these kids could ask for. I hope they got their food, loved it, and were thrilled. Otherwise, this bitch Taz just made them do a whole lot of work for a whole lot of nothing.
PS - I can't help but think of this mother as former ECW/WWF wrestler Taz as this mom. Something about a short Brooklyn man such as Taz dressed to the part of a mother just kills me. Taz is actually a bit of a weirdo these days but his human suplex machine gimmick is criminally underrated IMO.