If Illinois Sucks So Much Then How Come We're The Only State That Federally Qualifies To Reopen?

The American Independent - Only one state has met all of the criteria contained in guidelines issued by the federal government for safely reopening businesses and easing social distancing during the coronavirus pandemic, according to an analysis by ProPublica. Its metrics are the number of positive tests per 100,000 people; the percentage of tests that are positive; the number of tests per 100,000 per day; the availability of ICU beds; and the number of hospital visits for "flu-like illness."

Thirty states have met only three of the goals or fewer, and three of them — Alabama, Alaska, and West Virginia — have met only one of the five.

As of Tuesday, Illinois was the only state to have met all five.

New York and California, two of the states hit hardest by the coronavirus, have each met four of the five criteria, with New York failing at ICU bed capacity and California failing to decrease the number of positive tests per 100,000 residents.

Listen I'm not here to defend Illinois as a state much less a place to vacation next summer. Unless you're an evil, corrupt, soul-sucking, self-absorbed political leech, there's objectively better states to back in an argument. Sue me for saying it but that's the reality. When gubernatorial criminal investigations in any given century exceeds the number of governors that DONT go to prison, you've got a pretty fucked situation. Mix in an elementary understanding of municipal finances and there's an argument that this is the most obvious paragraph I've written on this blog in my career history. Bookmark it boys (command + d). 

That said, I will never come to completely understand how Illinois stands alone atop this list without blatant cheating. Historically speaking that's how we get our Washington D.C. money and I can't imagine deviating from such rich tradition. A month ago Chicago was primary breeding grounds for mainstream media nightmare scenarios and now we're #1 on a list that includes heavy hitters like Texas and Virginia struggling for relevance. It doesn't make sense without omitting half of Cook County or everything south of I-80 (heathens). 

Alternatively maybe Lori Lightfoot really is bringing in the light in Chicago. Maybe Babe Ruth JB Pritzker is one of the Good Billionaires that really can solve a problem/write a check. Maybe just maybe we're turning a corner in line with the FBI smothering local lawmakers across The Land Of Lincoln? Is that what's happening?Absolutely not. Someone is definitely full of shit here.