Well, here we are. I never thought I'd see this day. After several years of searching, I finally found a subgroup of humans who are easier to fuck with on the internet than Craigslist users who misplaced their pets: People who want to get on the Barstool Instagram page.
As Nick documented yesterday, after a poor and innocent girl mistook him for someone who has the power to post things on the @barstoolsports Instagram, we managed to put her through an absolute gauntlet of a "submission process" just for her video to not even get posted on the Barstool DeVry page, let alone the main account.
Granted, she's probably never interacted with three _____ grown men who spend the majority of their free time _____ _____ . (That's a free mad lib for everyone). But after the dust finally settled and we came to the bittersweet realization that we'd likely never get a golden opportunity like that again, things became tame again and each of us went back to doing whatever it is we do. Until this happened.
Almost immediately after it was posted, something slightly bizarre happened. My Instagram DMs became flooeded with messages from people genuinely trying to submit their videos to the Barstool Instagram. As did Thomas's. As did Nicholas's.
I guess this would've made sense if, you know, they were joking with us. But, unfortunately, a lot of them were completely and utterly serious with their requests. Like they clicked the link to Nick's blog explicitly detailing, with words and visuals, why it's actually a horrendous idea to try to make it on Barstool's instagram page by submitting your videos to two socially inept anus boys and a former college wrestler, and still sent their submissions to us.
Good ass shit indeed. I wanted to give these whippersnappers the benefit of the doubt and assume none of them actually read any of the blog and just DM'd the first Instagram handles they visually came across.
I really wanted to. But alas, I was forced to do my job and respond to at least some of them in a professional manner. My first handpicked client was a young man submitting a video of himself destructing public property with his friends amidst a nationwide quarantine, because of course it was.
Unfortunately for this aspiring viral superstar, Kyle in Systems Operations is one of the strictest people in the business.
So breaking the law was a firm "no" from him. On to the next applicant…
Emails with Kyle:
Nope. Not on my watch. The ball's in her court, but until she gets back to me with her preferred dimensions, I'll continue to refuse to do the dirty work for her. After all, I have plenty of other clients I still have to deal with.
Fifty is a lot of words, so Kyle's still waiting on her email.
56 total words and the exact location I requested. Perfect. Unfortunately, he forgot to include his background song so his submission had to be booted from the system.
That's all I have for now, but
I'm pretty sure I know for a fact that Nick and Tommy have been putting their clients through a much more rigorous and complex submission process than me.