Donnie Does: Super Bowl Monday Is My Favorite Chinese Holiday

(The above video documents how I Celebrated Super Bowl Monday in 2015)

China is 12 hours ahead of EST, meaning that 7PM in New York is 7AM in Shanghai, meaning that Super Bowl Sunday in the states is Super Bowl Monday Morning in China. Well folks, believe it or not Super Bowl Monday is hands down my favorite Chinese holiday.  It’s a phenomenon that takes the gloomiest time of the week and turns it into something glorious. When you show up at a bar at 6:45AM to see a pack of fellow football fans(mostly American) already lined up around the corner for a $30 all you can eat and drink deal, it’s hard not to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Now I’m sure a bunch of you are wondering, shouldn’t you bums be at work? Nope. That’s the beauty of it. First of all, more often than not Super Bowl Monday falls during Chinese New Year, when the entire country stops working, meaning once you sip that first pre-kickoff beer at 7:25AM, you don’t technically have to be a normal human being again for another four or five days. However, even when Super Bowl Monday falls on a work week, the majority of Americans I know, regardless of whether they work for a Chinese company or an American company, are able to request the day off for “cultural obligations.” I even talked to a CHINESE Patriots fan whose boss let him out of work to watch the game. Are you fisting me?? That would be the equivalent of an American soccer fan asking for a day off of work to watch the Champions league final (Champions league final is on a Saturday so this scenario would never happen but you get the point).

Don’t get me wrong, Super Bowl Sunday in the states is fun, especially if you work for a company that rents a house and parties with celebrities and professional athletes the whole week leading up to it. However, the common man will probably tell you that when the game ends around 11:30PM, the festive atmosphere of the Super Bowl party gradually turns back into the Sunday scaries as everyone realizes all they have to look forward to now is a hungover Monday at work. Not the case with Super Bowl Monday. When the game ends at 11:30AM, you have the rest of the day to celebrate if your team wins(see above video), blow off steam if your team loses, or just wander the streets drunk if you’re a degenerate alcoholic who jumps at any situation where day drinking is socially acceptable. It’s wonderful. Though I must admit I have seen the early start of the game backfire at least once. Take for instance the 2013 Seahawks/Broncos match-up AKA one of the most boring super bowls in NFL History. I think the utter lack of excitement on the field led to people spending a bit too much time at the bar as the next thing I know its 5PM and I’m watching as a grown man I had watched the game with earlier gets hogtied by police and dragged off a roof. Some people just can’t handle Super Bowl Monday I guess…

On a monday morning in 2012, I watched as my team lost in heartbreaking fashion (F*CK YOU ELI) and on a monday morning in 2015 as well as yesterday, I watched as they snatched victory from the Jaws of defeat. When I leave China I may forget what I did every Singles Day(yes, single people get their own holiday in China) and I may forget what I was doing every Dragon Boat Festival, but the memories I’ve made on Super Bowl Mondays I’ll cherish forever….

P.S. If you watch the end of that video you’ll see I got into a little scooter accident.

That was not intentional or me trying to create “content.” That was me forgetting to look before taking a lefthand turn into oncoming traffic. As I lay on the pavement I remember thinking to myself “regardless of whether the person I just hit is hurt or not, I am so fucked…” It’s a common scam in China for people to fake injuries in situations like that in order to get compensated huge sums of money. So when a white boy comes out of the clouds and smashes into your scooter most Chinese people would have turned that into the payday to end all paydays. Luckily, this guy wasn’t opportunistic and it turned out that my bike and body were way more damaged than his so he just ended up asking for $30 and driving off. BOOM. Malcolm Butler’s interception was not the only miracle that happened that day.