Find Out What Happened After IG Girl Aliza Told The World She Blew 7 Phoenix Suns (Never In 500,000 Years Will You Guess What Her Job Was)

KFC8/20/2020 11:45 AM

We spoke to Adam22 from No Jumper to get the follow up on the fallout of the most scandalous sports story in years. Some of it makes sense, and some of it is absolutely preposterous.

Makes Sense

1) Aliza comes from a Mormon family. Classic story of the repressed girl who lashes out WAY more than had you just let her enjoy life a little bit instead reading the Bible. If you let her suck 1 dick when she was growing up she wouldnt be sucking 7 today. Also, all that polyamorous shit really came back to bit you in the ass, eh dad? Which brings me to:

2) She was disowned by her family. I got the type of family who are ride or fucking die. I could tell everyone that I sucked 7 NBA dicks and they would have my back. And I'm not saying in some hypothetical where I was an IG thot. Im saying me, myself, Kevin Clancy, could blow 7 NBA players and my family would be like, "What? Like its hard?" But Aliza and her Mormon family are no longer on speaking terms. Which doesnt bother Aliza one bit because...

3) She made 60,000 dollars in 2 days. Probably more as you read this. Because we are living in the middle of a revolution, folks. The Only Fans Golden Age. And while I find it EXTREMELY annoying to bust my ass all day and all night making endless amounts of content and I will never SNIFF that sort of income, I am also grateful we now live in a world where girls like Aliza are just like "Fuck it, I'll become an amateur porn star." And you can file this under "100% Makes A Ton Of Fucking Sense" because I am gonna have to watch this girl suck someone's dick at some point.

4) Aliza was fired from her job...

Makes No Sense

1) ...Aliza was fired from her job as a CPA!!!! A Certified Public Accountant!!!!!! Fucking LUNACY! Now, the accounting firm was owned by her father so the firing was part of the disowning and I bet she just sits at a desk and never passed the CPA test but its HILARIOUS to think that she was walking around telling people she was a CPA and ended up with this being her lasting legacy.

Part of me feels a kinship with Aliza. We are kindred spirits. We both left the accounting world to whore ourselves out on the internet. She, literally. I, metaphorically. I do it with a lot of white guys, she does it with a lot of black guys. But at the end of the day, we're just trying to be *girly star emoji* happy *girly star emoji*

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