-When people complain about their “bad side,” I feel like it’s kind of just a humble brag implying that they have a “good side.” Some people have two “bad sides.” A bad side and an even worse side.
-When doing a coin flip, people should let it land naturally on the ground. I hate when people catch it and then flip it onto their hand. To me, that’s reversing the actual result. If someone does this, I like to cause a scene and demand a re-flip. Unless of course, I won.
-I get really fucking pissed off when people say I can’t handle personal criticism.
-How long do you have to keep a greeting card before throwing it out? I want to throw them out immediately but that feels wasteful. But I really have no use for them and don’t want them just lying around. It’s one of the biggest problems in my life.
-One of my best skills is applying syrup to pancakes. I apply a perfect amount to start. Enough for good taste, but not too much to make them soggy. I then reapply the syrup throughout the meal to get a consistent sweet taste while not letting them get dry. It’s really an incredible sight to behold.
-As a kid, you used to be able to identify people by their phones. There were the blackberry kids, the sidekick kids, the Razor kids, the Envy kids, the Voyager kids. This only lasted until iPhones took a complete monopoly of the market.
-I never understand when accounts run contests to offer a prize to a certain milestone follower. For example, “Our 100,00th follower will get a free t-shirt.” If you're at like 90,0000, then this should not incentivize anyone to follow you. Why would I ever follow you before you’re over 99,000? In theory, this method should never help you gain followers, and it confuses me.
-This is Volume 69 and I’m sure some people are expecting a sexual intercourse joke. But I won’t make one myself. I’ll just let people reply “nice” and make other jokes like that in hopes that it will boost my engagement numbers.
-Before we finish, I just want to let you guys know that this is the real Tommy. I know I shaved my goatee and look like an entirely different person, but it’s still me.
Thank you for your time.