-Free joke for your next Zoom meeting. If there’s an awkward topic that you want to bring up, say “Alright so let’s address the elephant in the Zoom.” Then turn your volume down or the laughter will burst your computer’s speakers.
-A cool part of concerts is everyone singing along the songs with the performer. I feel like something way less fun would be a stand up show where the audience tells the jokes along with the comedian.
-It has always irrationally angered me that no word rhymes with orange. I hate that it gets to strut its ass around and brag about not having a rhyme. My life goal is to one day get a word in the dictionary that rhymes with it. It’s definition could just be: Blorange- “the word that rhymes with orange.” It would strictly exist to spite the word orange.
-I know someone is a moron when they say I wouldn’t do well on Survivor. Despite its name, it’s not actually a survival show. You don’t need to be a survival expert. They have fatsos and old people on all the time. It’s all social and strategic manipulation. I would win people over with my wit and charm and then use my superior intellect to run circles around them strategically. Now sure, I don’t like bugs, or sand. That could be an issue. But I would overcome it and still easily win.
-A pet peeve of mine is when you give your friend your phone to take a picture and they take a few selfies of themselves. Might’ve been funny 9 years ago. Now, it’s just overplayed, trite, and downright immature. It does, however, become funny if you do it to a random stranger.
-People don’t read enough anymore. Everyone is so focused on TV and social media, but nobody cares about a good book. And if they do read, it’s just to show off and brag about it to make themselves feel cultured and intellectual. Personally, I just started reading this thick book “Infinite Jest” by David Foster Wallace but you don’t see me bragging about it or talking myself up. That would be obnoxious.
-One critique of this book is that it starts with just a bunch of quotes of people praising it. But I’ve already bought the book, there’s no need to pitch it to me anymore. You won. It would be like going to a restaurant having the waiter start off by reading positive Yelp reviews. Just unnecessary.
-I will sometimes wake up from a dream in the middle of the night with a potential thought or joke and immediately write it in my iPhone notepad. I have one written down from 6:51 AM on Friday that just says “ketchup pancakes” and I gotta be honest. I have zero clue what that could possibly be about.
Thank you for your time.