-Saying the word “sick” in public is the new equivalent to saying the word “bomb” on an airplane.
-I feel like we hype up tropical islands a little too much. For a vacation spot? Sure. But people who dream about going away and living there? Pass. Probably shoddy internet. Limited food options. No GrubHub. You’d have to catch your own fish and shit. Can’t go out to bars and games with friends. Honestly kind of sounds like a nightmare.
-I don’t understand people who create so many different music playlists for different moods and settings. I have one playlist. It’s called “Good.” If I like the song, it makes the cut. Pretty simple process.
-You never want to be the person that ruins a group chat prank. Lately there’s a lot of fake links, videos, and audio messages going around that pretty much all involve big black penises. When you get one in a group chat, play along and be like “Oh my God that’s crazy!” so other people click on it too. Don’t ruin the fun.
-It’s weird how TV shows and movies always make you root for the main characters, whether they’re good guys or bad guys. I could be watching a show about a serial killer, but if he’s the main character I’ll still be thinking, “Well he’s not THAT bad.”
-If he had a feel for the big moment, this past Sunday would’ve been a great time for Jesus to come back.
-I tweeted something similar to that on Easter and someone responded “Good luck explaining this tweet at the pearly gates.” I feel like Jesus would be fine with it. I’m sure he has a good sense of humor and would get a hardy chuckle out of it.
-I wonder what dogs are thinking during quarantine. They’re probably confused why their owners are home so much. I bet some of them are thinking, “Are these people ever gonna leave the house again so I can get some god damn alone time around here?”
Thank you for your time.