-A nationwide lockdown is probably a pretty good time to be on house arrest. Conversely, it must be an absolutely awful time to get off house arrest.
-When splitting shareable food with someone, the person who takes the third to last food item is essentially taking the last one. Once it gets down to two left, it’s obviously common courtesy to say “one more each” and split them so nobody has to feel like a dick reaching for the only one left. So if you want to think ahead of the curve, grab that third to last one and then offer to split the final two. Extra food without looking like a dick.
-Coughing has become the new yawning. Whenever I see someone cough, I get in my own head and immediately start coughing myself. I have self-diagnosed myself with the virus almost every single day.
-The weirdest dreams are when you dream about yourself in bed because then you can’t figure out if it was a dream or just actual reality. Last night I had a “maybe dream” about me laying in bed and my eye absolutely burning as I scratched. It kind of felt like a dream but also felt real. The verdict is still out.
-We’re at a point of boredom where I’ve started to read old college papers that I wrote. I can’t believe I once wrote 24 pages on a financial market experiment I designed. I might be the only economics major to ever graduate without really understanding what interest rate is.
-Story time: The day was July 4th, 2007. I was at a friend's house for a BBQ. A bunch of us got our food and then went to the roof of his clubhouse to eat it. I brought two forks up there with me. Perplexed, one friend looked at me and said “why two forks?” Just as the words were leaving his mouth, another friend dropped his fork to the ground. I smugly grinned and said, “That’s why.” It was the greatest moment of my life.
-I have decided that there’s just no way I’m gonna be able to keep the pristine gym body once I had, but that’s OK. I was probably maxing out how in shape I could be anyway. This just means that once this all ends, I get to start a fitness journey all over again and be obnoxious for months. Glass half full.
-After our apartment loaded up on soups, tunas, sauces, and other canned goods, it was thoroughly disappointing to come to the realization that we do not have a can opener.
-We have been doing meet and greets on Club Penguin and it’s just an absolute thrill. I make people chant my name like I’m the Penguin King. One guy though kept saying that I smelt like onions. I snapped at him and got banned. This is my life now.
Thank you for your time.