Casting the Grit Week Movie
We are going to try and cast current events in news, sports, music and more, so we decided that we needed to kick our series off with a bang: Grit Week. We now present you Lights, Camera, Barstool’s casting of ‘Grit Week the Movie’.
Jeff Lowe: It’s time for The Rock to take his career to the next level by accepting roles that will garner him some Oscar buzz. Actors in Hollywood were lining up for this role, but only The Rock could handle something this iconic. Leonardo DiCaprio had ‘The Revenant’ deliver his long-awaited win and now The Rock might have the same scenario with ‘Grit Week’. Kids across the world will be wearing the Wisconsin sweater and Hawaiian shirt combo for Halloween last this year once this movie blows up the box office.
KenJac: Fresh off ‘Rampage’, The Rock is a no-brainer here. Except instead of accompanying the giant hairy beast around Chicago, he becomes the beast. Look for Dwayne to ask for cufflinks to be added to Big Cat’s trademark navy checkered suit so he can adjust them.
Jeff Lowe: Margot Robbie just got done receiving massive praise and many nominations for her portrayal of a long blonde-haired sports legend. So why not run it back a few months later and go for the same success again?
KenJac: PFT Commenter has a few things going for him. Impeccable style, great calves, and most importantly the best Australian accent in the business. We need an Aussie to play him, but there’s so many to choose from, whether it be Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Worthington, Eric Bana and more. Well, the continent with over 100,000 species that can kill you only has one person that will absolutely kill this role, and that’s Margot Robbie.
Jeff Lowe: You know Thomas Middleditch for his role as the commercial spokesperson for Verizon, but you may not know he also plays a great role in an HBO show called ‘Silicon Valley’. Hank’s use of tech is a big key to his success with Pardon My Take, so the role seems like a natural fit for Middleditch. Oh, they also sort of look the same and Hank endorsed the casting.
KenJac: Hank was tough to cast. In ‘Silicon Valley’, Thomas Middleditch plays a college dropout who goes from working in a tiny office space working on audio programs, to the key part of an entity that shakes up their entire industry. However, Thomas always seems to rise to the occasion, so maybe not the best casting for Hank.
Jeff Lowe: This was not an easy casting. We needed someone fucking electric to play Coach O, so the search for this one took forever. Luckily, Mr. School of Rock himself rose to the top to take on the daunting task of portraying Coach O. Rumor has it that 45% of the film’s budget will go to voice coaching for Jack Black to really nail this role.
KenJac: For Coach O we needed someone thick, loud, and sometimes unintelligible. Jack Black fits perfectly here, and he also has experience recruiting students to make hits for him while getting no salary in return.
Jeff Lowe: Give him all of the awards right now. Our baby boy Brendan Fraser deserves the moon, let alone just one simple role in a movie set in the Podcast Cinematic Universe. If this doesn’t scream “Tom Crean” then I don’t know what does…
KenJac: My beautiful baby boy is finally getting the role he deserves. Fraser’s popularity was so high at one point, he practically kissed the sun. So, there really is no better pick to portray this legendary college hoops coach.
Jeff Lowe: As I searched Ben’s twitter feed to find the right photo of him for our graphics, I stumbled upon a ton of clues as to who we needed to cast for this role. We only made one phone call. This was easy.
KenJac: Seth Rogen is the perfect choice to play Ben for three reasons: he’s good behind the camera, they both have beards and they both have surly voices. That’s it. Those are the only reasons.
Jeff Lowe: I’m pretty sure if you’re casting someone in Hollywood to fill a role where the character wears a Kangol, there are only two options: Jeff Bridges or Samuel L. Jackson. Once again, this pick was a no-brainer.
KenJac: Replace White Russians with lead-based paint and this is Lebowski’s role to lose. Considering Arians’ tendencies to try and fight all of the West by themselves, the star of ‘True Grit’ seems perfectly suited for this.
Jeff Lowe: There’s actually a rule, yes, a real rule, that every three years Kevin Costner has to star in a sports movie. Well, he hasn’t been in a sports movie since ‘MacFarland, USA’ back in 2015, so it seems as though we have no choice.
KenJac: Long-time offensive line coach Doug Marrone being played by the star of ‘The Bodyguard’ is almost too perfect. Plus, his role in ‘Waterworld’ makes him well suited for dealing with uncivilized barbarians like the ones that will be frequenting the Everbank Field.
Jeff Lowe: Honestly, KenJac is about to nail the explanation. So, I am just going to step aside.
KenJac: Much like Blake Bortles, he’s gone from good Luck early in his career, to fighting bad Luck since. After his role in ‘The Hunger Games’, playing a man who grew up in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and fighting for attention against a local doofy blonde haired guy (shout out to Ryan Tannehill) should come naturally to him.
Jeff Lowe: Okay, we are going to spoil the post-credit scene for the movie here, so we apologize in advance. Marlins Man shows up. It’s fucking craziness. But who will play the man? Daniel Day-Lewis, potentially the greatest actor of all-time, recently quit acting to lead a humble life outside of Hollywood. He uses a flip phone and rides the subway, despite being supremely successful. To play the humblest man on earth, Marlins Man, you need someone who has method acting studied the role for years… and it seems as though Daniel Day-Lewis has already done it.
KenJac: Personally, I was searching for one of the many verified accounts in the President’s twitter mentions because Marlins Man would love to be portrayed by a first responder. Reports indicate Daniel Day-Lewis is already preparing for the role by sitting courtside at London-based Polo matches and being really horny online.
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That’s it. That’s the movie. What do we think? Let us know on the Lights, Camera, Barstool Twitter or on our Reddit page. Don’t forget to subscribe to the Barstool movie podcast, our latest episode dropped last night.