I Recorded Everything I Ate For A Week And I’ve Never Been More Disgusted In My Life
Before we get into my life changing moment, I want to preface this blog by saying that I have since changed my eating habits. It’s been three weeks since I’ve eaten like a monster and I’ve never felt better, but we’ll get into that later.
Despite what you may think, Barstool HQ is like a lot of offices. You come in, you sit down and you get to work. The only difference is that unlike normal offices, your every move is being recorded and pumped onto the Internet solely for the purpose of entertaining complete strangers. But that’s neither here nor there. My point is that you do a lot of sitting. And if we’ve learned anything from science it’s that sitting is TERRIBLE for your body. It puts you at increased risk for high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, it destroys your posture. The list goes on and on. It can also make you fat. Which is what most people struggle with. Fortunately, my metabolism is fast enough that I can pretty much eat whatever I want without seeing a change in my body. So naturally, I’ve never thought about what I put into my system.
It wasn’t until about a month ago when Trent and I had a conversation about his weight loss that I realized I should change my diet. That and the fact that everyone in our office is getting super hot for summer. Big Cat posted this picture of himself on Twitter and I had to smoke a cigarette after.
BC, YP, Jared, they’re all getting in shape. Even Nate’s been hitting the gym. You can tell because his T levels are so high that he’s been following the usual barbs with physical violence. I went to grab a banana out of the kitchen yesterday and he shoved me against the fridge and said, “you’re not the only one who likes bananas around here!” I didn’t know whether to be turned on scared.
Anyway, the reason Trent said he was able to drop so much weight is because A. he was fat and had the weight to lose (his words, not mine), and B. because along with his exercise routine he completely changed his diet. You can check out the details in his blog. After our conversation, I decided that I was going to try to change my diet. So I recorded everything I ate for the rest of the week. It would be my last week of freedom before clean-eating my way to slightly better, definitely not noticeable body. I set the attainable goal of being able to search “Fire Island Pines” on Instagram and not feel bad about myself and I was off. I started on Tuesday.
Tuesday
2 Blue Berry Muffins 426×2= 852
2 Bananas 150×2= 300
1 Orange Red Bull 168
1 Regular Red Bull 168
1 Cherry Fage Yogurt 57
1 Chipotle Burrito 975
2 Bags of Cheese Its 180×2= 369
1 Bag of Pirates Booty 130
Sunflower Seeds – n/a
1 Kale Chicken Caesar Salad 420
1 Small Container Macaroni Salad 300
1 Vanilla Muscle Milk Shake 170
7 Chocolate Chip Cookies 49X7=343
*Note: the typical adult operates on 1800 calories per day. I took in 4243 calories and was still hungry. It wasn’t just the number of calories I was consuming that alarmed me; it was the kind of calories. I essentially had cake for breakfast, washed it down with two lines of coke, then finished the day with a plate of sugar. I stopped recording calories after the first day because it was too big of a pain in the ass too disgusting. Besides, I knew what I had to do: eat less.
The rest of the week wasn’t much better. Wednesday was the lightest day with Thursday being the heaviest. I ate from the second I woke up until the second I went to bed.
Wednesday
2 Blue Berry Muffins
1 Orange Red Bull
1 Sausage Egg and Cheese
1 Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese
1 Tuna Wrap
1 Protein Shake
1 Plate of Pasta
1 Bag Of M&M’s
Thursday
1 Quest bar
1 Fage Yogurt
2 Bananas
1 Tuna Wrap
1 Bag of Smart Food
1 Piece of Pizza
1 Protein Shake
2 Rice Krispy Treats
3 Red Bulls
6 Spicy Tuna Rolls
4 Shrimp Tempura Rolls
3 Vegetable Dumplings
3 Chocolate Chip Cookies
Friday
1 Bagel with Cream Cheese
1 Fage Yogurt
1 Rice Krispy Treat
2 Famous Amos Bags of Cookies
1 Bag of Skittles
1 Bag of Crunchy M&M’s
1 Steak Bowl from Dig Inn
1 Pack of Starbusrt
1 Chipotle Burrito
When the week was up I showed the list to heavy smoker and HQ’s resident nutritionist, Tech Guy Andrew, who confirmed I needed to make a change. I won’t bore you with the details but my diet now consists mostly of grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. It’s awful but necessary if I want to avoid being cast on My 600Lb Life. And as I said earlier, the office is getting way too hot for me to continue to eat like a piece of shit. Besides, I need to get my body ready for #sundresssnz.
So, why did I tell you this? One because I know that if I publicly shame myself I’ll be more likely to stay on track, and two because I genuinely feel like a new person (physically). Mentally I’m the same pessimist I was before, but physically I feel/look like great and that’s all that matters. So if you’ve been looking for a way to get healthy, try writing down everything you eat for a week. It works. Chances are you’ll be surprised at how much crap you consume. And if not, good for you. Stay healthy, friends.