IHOP Is Giving Away Free Short Stacks (A $4.49 Value) For #NationalPancakeDay And Of Course The Lines Are INSANE

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Fortune – IHOP is celebrating National Pancake Day by bringing back an annual deal that is sure to fill you up on pancakes. The breakfast chain will offer each customer a free short stack of buttermilk pancakes at IHOP restaurants across the country on Tuesday, Feb. 27 from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. (select locations will run the deal until 10 p.m.).

It’s #NationalPancakeDay, bitches! The best fake day somebody just made up for the fuck of it on a date, EVER! Unless of course somebody is giving out money/cars #NationalCarKeysAndSmallChangeDay and naps for #NationalPublicSleepingDay (for real, those are tomorrow’s “Holidays” and for some reason exist, too). I doubt we’ll see anyone handing free Tampax and Matcha Powder for #InternationalWomensDay next week. Taste the deliciousness on this great #NationalPancakeDay, ladies!

I get it. People love free stuff to the point they’ll overvalue any deal or service. You just know there are gonna be IHOPS all across the land where the wait for these flapjacks are going to take over an hour. Maybe more. Hell, I can imagine some of the lines being Roller Coaster Tycoon worthy, and somehow the wait in the virtual amusement park would bring more value to real life (what a great game).

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Now riddle me this, society, when’s the breaking point where you start to actually feel bad about yourself for taking time out of a weekday to wait for free freaking pancakes? Now I’ve been through some tough, dark days where the pasta well went dry and there was just no more canned tuna in the cupboard. On top of that, I’m a bum. I am aware my time has no real value. Even so, I don’t think I could ever wait more than 30 minutes for 3, count ‘em, 3 free pancakes. 10 min a flapjack. That’s my breaking point. And anybody who waits longer than that should be deported from Earth. I would love to know how much you don’t value your time to wait hours for a short stack worth $4.79. I don’t care who you are, that’s one bad ROI for your existence. But I suppose who the hell would think to work for those hours and just spend that money on pancakes? I guess suckers like me, that’s who. These geniuses and Homer Simpson are light years ahead of the game.