“To be young and in love in New York City…” (you know the song, it’s great) echoed through my headphones as I strolled to my date last night. I walked my couples holding hands, couples sipping glasses of wine in restaurant windows, and young men new to the pressure of Valentine’s Day frantically grabbing a tiny bouquet of flowers from a bodega, flowers which will surely earn them no more than an eye roll. I wasn’t nervous like them. I had my chest pushed out and with each breath I filled my lungs with confidence, I knew my date was going to love me. Why’s that?
My date was me.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Feits, you hate yourself more than anyone in human history save for all the people who have committed suicide,” very true, but that was yesterday afternoon. Today is a new day, a day following some real self-exploration and falling in love with little ol’ me.
For my date with me I remembered that I once read, ages ago when I was still reading, the best way to improve self-confidence was to be naked and embrace your body. Me and myself weren’t at that level yet, we weren’t ready for naked, as it was our first date in a long time. So I tweaked it and I slapped on a pair of Tommy John briefs (the most comfortable pair of underwear you’ll ever wear in your entire life, a pair of underwear that ensures every day is a good dick day. Buy a pair here). Next, I poured myself a glass of red, ordered some Dominos pizza, and ordered “Only the Brave” OnDemand. Me and myself had one of the most romantic evenings I’ve ever had, cuddled on the couch together, drinking wine, eating pizza, and crying at one of the most emotional movies I’ve ever seen.
I learned a lot about myself last night, found parts of me that I haven’t seen in ages, and decided that maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am. I also discovered that a nice pair of underwear can really put you, and your lover, in a mood. As I most certainly closed the deal after dinner. Some may find the “I dated myself” Valentine’s Day as a little basic, but I don’t care because I’m in love and I’m feeling that magic.
PS – Seriously those Tommy Johns are fire. Buy a pair for sure. You’ll close too in them. My mom used to tell me never leave the house in bad underwear because you never know who’s going to see them (she told this to me when I was in the hospital in bad underwear, she was very disappointed in me as the doctor’s had joked about the hole I had in them) and it’s the best advice I’ve ever received. Tommy Johns will ensure you don’t get the same disapproving looks from medical professionals.