A New Jersey Town Wants To Fine Non-Residents That Drive Through It Because GPS Apps Send Drivers There To Avoid Traffic
NJ.com- Time for some traffic problems in Leonia? Well, problems at least for drivers who cut through the small Bergen County borough every day to get to the George Washington Bridge, commuters who can make traffic so bad during rush hour that police categorize them like a hurricane. On Wednesday morning, after emergency repairs on the bridge, traffic in the town was a Category 4, Police Chief Thomas Rowe said.
Town officials admit their solution is extreme. They’re about to ban drivers who don’t live there, with limited exceptions, from driving on some of their roads for nine hours every day. If you live or work in Leonia, city hall will issue you a bright yellow tag to hang in your rearview mirror. Just about anyone else who drives between 6 a.m. and 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. and 9 p.m. on about 60 of the township’s residential streets could face a $200 fine. And in case you forget, signs will be posted on the streets, hopefully by mid-January, officials said. “It’s an extreme initiative, I’ll be the first to admit that. However the traffic that we deal with is completely extreme,” Rowe said.
Look at these silly New Jersey sons of bitches! Shutting down your city to out-of-towners because their Waze app sees you as the quickest shortcut through that smelly ass state to get to the most traveled bridge on the planet is such a ballsy move, you almost have to respect it. Chris Christie, AKA Bootleg Jon Taffer for shutting down the George Washington Bridge, has probably never been prouder of a town in his life. If you don’t want people driving through your town, either tie a bunch of balloons to your town like the house in Up and move it away from a bridge that a kajillion people drive over each year or put up so many speed bumps and stop signs that the apps automatically see your town as a sea of red traffic. New Jersey is good for three things: The shore, slightly cheaper gas that is pumped for you, and a way to enter New York. Add the Giants to that list when they aren’t a full-blown circus. Some people would even call New Jersey a shith*le. Not me though. I would never!
The biggest problem with all this, other than being almost impossible to enforce and trying to stop people that will blindly rely 100000% on their GPS apps every single time, is that not putting a ban up will only want to make people drive through the town more. If I see a No Thru Traffic sign up somewhere, I will drive directly thru your forbidden road partially because I want to feel like a bad boy and partially because fuck you. That goes quadruple for an entire town. Making people choose between a $200 fine or sitting in traffic is bullshit. Fuck you Leonia. You just made the Hiss List!
P.S. If those assholes actually go through with this, all people have to do is find out what the resident passes look like and just print some bootleg passes off of their printer at work, right? Then you pretty much have a free E-Z Pass for the shortcut. I guess the only problem is that now everybody and their mother knows about the Leonia Shortcut, which could end up making it a slower route than the highway. Was this story just a plant by the Leonia town government to ruin the shortcut? Maybe a corporation that is anti-Google, since they own Waze? Am I a pawn in their madness by blogging this? Just thinking about this is going to make my head explode. It’s way too late on a Friday to start getting woke. So let me just leave you with a very succinct thought most of us can agree with: Fuck the GWB.