Boaters Accidentally Launch Themselves Into Orbit Trying To Clear A Wave

It’s funny what a little horsepower can do for man’s confidence. You strap a couple of engines on the back of a boat and think you can take over the world. Which is what I’m assuming happened here. He called up three of his buddies to try and show off the new toy and ended up on Mother Nature’s highlight reel. If he was smart he would’ve turned around after getting rocked on the first wave. Instead he went full steam ahead and goosed himself into orbit. I can’t imagine the level of panic from his friends when he decided to go for it. “Dude, stop. Stop!  STAHHHP!” Next thing they know they’re airborne, trying to squeeze off an “I love you” text before they end up like George Clooney in The Perfect Storm.

Although it may have been a relief. Anyone who’s been on a boat knows how violent choppy water is. You hit the smallest wave and it feels like you’re on a wooden roller coaster. That’s why I stick to land. Ever since the Splish Splash Vine came out I’ve written off boating all together. #TeamTerraFirma. I risk life and limb taking the subway every day, no need to increase my chances of death on the open water.