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A Lesson In Gay Vernacular Featuring The Barstool Bloggers: Part Deux

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If you read the first blog you know the backstory. Keith sent me a text asking if a term I used in a blog was derogatory. In response, I wrote a piece introducing the Stoolies, as well as my fellow bloggers, to some commonly used terms within the gay community. I covered most of the basics: bear, top, bottom, twink, etc., and in general it was well received. But I knew that if I wanted to provide a more comprehensive understanding, I’d need to go into greater detail. So here we are. This go around we’re going to get into some of the lesser known terms. Consider it a deep dive: same format, different bloggers, just a little more specific.  Here we go.

I’m going to start with the term “vers,” short for versatile.

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Like Carrabis, vers guys are an enigma. You never know what you’re going to get. Depending on their mood they can either take control or completely submit. For example, when around Hubbs, Jared tends to be more of an alpha, asserting himself as the dom both verbally and physically. But when he’s around Dave he turns into a total bottom. On several occasions, he’s referred to him as his father, which is his subconscious telling him he needs to take a back seat.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it can just be confusing. Not all gay guys fit into a specific category. Take PFT for example. I spent hours trying to categorize him and I couldn’t do it. One day he’s a Jnco-jean-wearing-Juggalo, the next vaping in a Pup Punk band.

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He’s constantly changing his look, inventing and reinventing. He marches to the beat of his own drum, unconcerned with what everyone else is doing. Guys who don’t “play the part” are like a like a breath of fresh air in the gay community. Circuit boys, on the other hand, are not. They thrive off of being in the know. Enter YP.

Circuit boys live for drama and can usually be found at the center of a controversy. Ask one what’s going on and they’ll tell you, usually in a pair of inappropriately tight pants. They’re proud of their bodies and don’t mind being objectified. Even if the attention comes from an unexpected party.

They’re an unfortunate reality of the gay scene. And as much as you want to avoid them, you can’t. They know way too many people and have way too much influence. Get on their bad side and they’ll shut you out of the stool scene. The same goes for Lesbians. Enter Frankie “chapstick” Borrelli.

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I’m not one to stereotype, but like a lot of Lesbians, he’s got the skin of a lady and the body of man. And while they aren’t a “category,” they are an important part of the gay male scene. They balance out the often over-styled, hyper-manicured aesthetic that gay men are known for with an endearing frumpiness.  If gay guys’ currency is abs, lesbians’ is masculinity. Which brings me to the next category: the all-American.

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Rugged, grizzled, handsome, Chaps embodies the term. And I’m not just saying that because he has a Purple Heart. For gays, “all-American” means boy next door. Go on any dating app and you’ll see guys describe themselves as one. The good kind, not the scary, could possibly be a member of the atl-right because they have the haircut kind. Although as crazy as it sounds, that too, is a category. Just like leather daddies and queens. I was a trying to come up with an example of a queen in the office but I genuinely don’t think we have one. For the most part, everyone’s level headed and down to earth. Although there is JSB, who had an impromptu photo shoot mid-office on day two. To be fair, I was a willing participant.

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Time will tell with that one.

My last example is going to be Tex, who falls under “rugged” aka unkempt.

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To straight people he may be “The Bandera Butthole,” a peculiar fellow with arguably the worst haircut of all time. But to gays, he’s the hot southern boy with an edgy look and a bad attitude. Guy’s like Tex are just as loved within the community as anyone else. Because for us, it doesn’t matter if you’re fat, thin, tall, short, black or white, if you’re alive, we’ll embrace you. The rest of the guys, myself included would be considered “average.” It’s boring but true. They’re the regular guys who make up the gay general population.

And there you have it. Lesson number two in the books. I could go on and on but like I said in the first blog, I don’t want to overwhelm you. Next week we’ll cover the age old question, “Is it gay if ______.” Feel free to tweet your own mature and respectful questions to @BarstoolPAT. Knowledge is power.