Guy Pays His Parking Tickets With Pennies And The Court Officers Beat His Ass So Hard He Shit Himself (Allegedly)
HuffPo- A Michigan man who attempted to protest a $10 traffic fine by paying it with pennies is seeking damages after court officers allegedly responded by beating him and choking him to the point of defecation.
Sevy brought $10 in rolled-up pennies to the district courthouse to pay the fine, according to his attorney, Jonathan Marko.
“The clerk wasn’t too happy about that, they refused to allow him to pay with penny rolls,” Marko told Detroit TV station WJBK.
As he was leaving the courthouse, Sevy got into a verbal exchange with court officers Philip Barach and Harold Marshall, Marko alleges. The officers reportedly then put Sevy in a chokehold and then took him to the ground.
The experience was so shocking that it caused Sevy to defecate, according to the lawsuit filing.
“They booked him for a two-year felony,” Marko told HuffPost. “That a guy can get assaulted at a place set up to protect constitutional rights is scary and terrifying. I believe he may have full-blown PTSD.”
Here’s a lesson for you kids out there looking to make a quick buck. If someone attacks you, shit your pants. There are a two reasons for this: first, most people will stop attacking a person whose pants are filled from cuff to belt with shit. I wear cool sneakers and I’m not going jeopardize the toe box of my Jordans by kicking a guy who’s dripping with his previous meal. And second, if you sue your attacker, telling a court of law he beat you so bad that you shit your pants provides a very compelling (and hilarious) image. That is a trump card if I ever heard one.
“Your honor, the attacker beat my client to the point where his bowels evacuated. Now, even his own wife calls him Mr. Poopy Pants. He hasn’t had an erection since the incident because the shame is too great.”
“Shocking. I award the plaintiff a billion dollars.”
Paying a $10 fine with pennies is fucking stupid. If you get a $200 parking ticket and go to the trouble of getting a wheelbarrow full of pennies and dumping them on the counter, at least you’re making a statement. Handing over $10 in penny-rolls is obnoxious and half-assed. Oh, you mischievous little ragamuffin! How capricious! How naughty! Of course, it makes one wonder why the guards were so enraged that they choked the guy out. If someone owed me $10 and paid me in pennies, I wouldn’t choke the shit out of them. I’d stick one of those rolls under my knuckles, punch him/her once in the dick/vagina, and move on with my day. (I included “her” to be gender-inclusive, but in this instance, it would have behooved me to stick with male pronouns).
The lawyer gets it though. “I believe he may have full-blown PTSD.” Might as well swing for the fences, counselor. As if the image of a guy shitting his pants wasn’t enough, you’re now invoking a condition suffered by military personnel following war. Here’s hoping the ends justify the means. At the very least, your client deserves a few new pairs of pants and possibly some adult diapers.