Joel Embiid Makes 2017 Debut On The Court And Proves Even Further He Is No Mere Mortal

Is 22 points in 15 minutes good? Asking for the clinically dead. Tack on 7 rebounds, 3 assists, a block, and 18 – count ‘em – EIGHTEEN free throw attempts (14 made) and we’ve got ourselves a God on the exhibition courts. Just look at how much sex he dripped last night:

Sure, it’s the preseason. Yes, it’s against the Nets. But imagine walking through a mile of our shit as Philadelphia sports fans. The Andrew Bynam’s. The Ruben Amaro Jr’s. The Chip Kelly’s (final year). Basically ever single damn Flyers goaltender since fucking Hextall was between the pipes. How can you blame us for putting the pussy on the pedestal when it comes to this creature straight out of Greek Mythology? We don’t care if he has the possibility to be encased in glass a la Lenin sooner than later. This beast has the body and talent to be one of the greats. And he shows it EVERY time he’s stepped on the court with 2 functioning legs, without fail. The most impressive thing about last night is there is truly no way to stop him. Embiid was fouled 9 times going to the dish. 9!!! And unlike other big men, he can kill you from the line. Now do me a favor and tuck him into bed in bubble wrap till the regular season. Snug as a bug in a rug is better than going all out and breaking his leg/our hearts in meaningless minutes. This man has no off button.

Oh, and Super Dario had 26 and 9 off the bench. Not too shabby of a night for the Sixers.

Cue it the fuck up, America.