IT'S HAPPENING: Joel Embiid Is Cleared To Play 5-On-5 Full Court AKA Actual Basketball

Philly.com – Joel Embiid has no intention of waiting for the regular season to play in a game. He wants to play preseason basketball. Period. Alas, he is at the mercy of an overly cautious Sixers medical staff. “I trust them, but at the same time I have a voice too,” Embiid said Thursday. “I think they value my opinion. It’s about us being on the same page.” Right now, the page looks like this: Embiid was cleared for full-court 5-on-5 action on Thursday but will be held out of the Sixers second preseason game against the Celtics at the Wells Fargo Center on Friday. Head coach Brett Brown said he wants to slowly work with Embiid so that he is ready to go for opening night Oct. 18 in Washington, but he isn’t ready to pinpoint and exact date.

FINALLY. Line up the Shirley’s! It’s all coming into place. Joel Embiid finally has two fully functioning legs AND is cleared to play real life basketball. Not just horse. Not just knockout. Not just for whatever reason running around the city in the dark of night after playing motherfucking tennis. We’re talking about 5-on-5, actual NBA action. And he’s not taking the practice lightly, either. That was a block from the heavens that sent JJ Reddick to hell. Then he’s intercepting passes like a larger Deion in his prime. Follow that up directly with a 3-pointer sank by an un-guardable 7’2 creature straight out of basketball Greek mythology with some smack talk to boot. This guy can truly do it all and then some, assuming he can stay in one piece. Which is obviously a big assumption.

Here is Brett Brown performing verbal fellatio on Embiid:

Cue it. Cue it all.