There are a few common misconceptions about being a blogger. Like Ray Lewis, I’m out in the streets every, single day, and people come up to me and they say “C’mon, Jerry. You’re job is easy. You just sit around and write about stuff all day.” Well let me tell you something. It is not for everyone. Every day you wake up to write Barstool posts is panoply of randomness. It is bringing order out of chaos. One day there is nothing to write about. The next you don’t have time to cover all the things you want to talk about. And the next, the world presents you with a story about the Grammy Award-winning frontman of America’s most beloved ’90s blues/folk jam band going nuts doxxing a guy he made enemies with on Twitter. And the task of making sense of it falls to you.
It seems like one of the ClickBots at Buzzfeed retold and old story about John Popper once saying that when he was at his fattest, he’d get so winded in the middle of jerking off that he couldn’t finish. One poor, unsuspecting Twitterer made the mistake of quoting it with a snarky reply, bringing the wrath of Blues Traveler anger down upon him:
[Forrest] Rutherford, a Kentucky resident who works in social services, has been the target of a weeks-long targeted harassment campaign propagated entirely by John Popper, singer of the ’90s hit “The Hook.”
He doesn’t know how to make it stop, and Twitter doesn’t seem to want to help.
“It’s one of these things where it’s like, I kind of wish it hadn’t happened, but I understand how funny it sounds,” said Rutherford.
Two Fridays ago, Popper posted an aerial photo of Rutherford’s home on Twitter from Google Maps alongside his address. …
Rutherford said he believed tensions had cooled when he congratulated Popper on becoming a father in 2015.
The Blues Traveler star became more hostile recently, however, when a bot that posts random segments of Rutherford’s previous tweets created a nonsense sentence that happened to have Popper’s name in it. …
Popper has also taken to his Facebook fan page to post Rutherford’s personal information. …
Rutherford doesn’t believe any other members of Blues Traveler are involved in the harassment campaign. He thinks Popper is doing the Photoshopping and most of the research himself.
Go figure that. You might assume that a life of playing your signature segues at music festivals and living off the residuals from “But Anyway” would spare you from a life of obsessively doxxing random strangers on social media. Or that maybe surviving heart surgery and the death of a band member would mellow a guy in his middle age. But you’d be wrong. I make the mistake of thinking every fat guy is just naturally jolly, especially the ones lucky enough to have a lovely nasal tonal quality and great harmonica skills. But you never know what sort of dark heart lurks behind all that hipster cred.
So let this be a lesson to us all. You respect John Popper. You don’t talk shit about John Popper. And you forget old stories about him being too out of shape to masturbate. Or John Popper will stop at nothing to turn your life into a blood soaked nightmare. Forrest Rutherford doesn’t need to be told twice and neither do I.