Intelligence Officials Prepping Trump For Putin Meeting With "Tweet-Length Sentences"

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Business InsiderIn advance of President Donald Trump’s highly anticipated bilateral meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday, intelligence officials created a list of “tweet-length sentences” summarizing key points Trump could discuss, The Los Angeles Times reported.

The meeting between the two leaders was initially going to be on the sidelines of this week’s G-20 summit in Hamburg, Germany. But on Tuesday, the White House said the Trump-Putin meeting would instead be an official, bilateral sit-down.

To prepare Trump, intelligence officials put together a detailed psychological profile on Putin, a former KGB officer and Russian spy, The Times reported. The profile was included in a binder full of other materials to ready Trump. However, Trump frequently relies on in-person briefings to bring him up to speed, and he prefers shorter sentences and “killer graphics” as opposed to denser notes.

“I like bullets, or I like as little as possible,” Trump told Axios before his inauguration in January. “I don’t need, you know, 200-page reports on something that can be handled on a page.”

In keeping with that, intelligence officials condensed the main points Trump could bring up with Putin into “tweet-length sentences.”

Smart. No need to reinvent the wheel here. No need to turn Donnie into something he’s not. What is Donald Trump? Twitter and sound bites. Hilarious sound bites. Simple. So how do you prepare him for a 1-on-1 with the Russian KGB savage Vladimir Putin? Give him what he knows. Give him tweet-length sound bites to drop right on Putin’s face. Like when prepping for a final you know absolutely nothing about: just memorize 5 different bullet points from the entire semester and hammer those points on every single answer. You’re not going to ace the thing but you’ll snake by with a passing grade.

Hell I even think they should take it a step further and print the memos out in Trump tweet form. Photoshop the key points into Trump’s own twitter feed so he thinks he tweeted them himself. Make him think he created them. Basically continuing the theme from when Trump officials revealed they were strategically inserting the actual word “Trump” into every paragraph of memos so he would keep reading them:

SourceDonald Trump can only stay focused on intelligence reports if his name is in them, according to officials close to him.

Staff members are being forced to strategically include the President’s name in the reports to ensure that he keeps reading and doesn’t get distracted, they said.

If you want to succeed in this world you’ve got to work with what you’ve got. Me, for example — I’m not waltzing shirtless and sunglassesless into pool parties trying to get laid. No chance. I’m creeping around the dark perimeter in baggy shirts trying to talk my way into some pants. Trying to trick chicks into asking where I went to school. You work with that you’ve got.

Props to these intelligence officials working with what Donnie’s got. Pumped for POTUS to sting Putin with some tweet-length bullets all fucking day.

PS — In reality, zero chance Trump reads any of these prep memos right? I mean every intelligence agency on earth is telling him Putin wanted to help to and did help him win. He’s gotta love the dude. I’ll be shocked if they don’t sneak out for a quick 18.