Chad Johnson is Making Jokes About How Much He Sucked in New England and it's No Laughing Matter
I really love you guys & hope your day is going well, if it’s not going well just remember nothing is worse than my stats w/ the Patriots.
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) June 10, 2017
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Keep it going for Chad Johnson, everybody! That is Ochocinco, ladies and gentlemen! Let him knooowww!
Hey guys! Remember how bad I sucked with the Patriots? Hey yoooo! I played a whole season and caught 15 passes! Rimshot! Did I ever tell you the one about the All-Pro receiver who had a chance to win a ring but couldn’t learn the playbook? Wakka wakka! So a guy walks into a team. The best tight end in football gets hurt. Guy catches one ball in the Super Bowl and they lose by 4. The Aristocrats!
To be clear, my favorite brand of humor is self-deprecating kind. I’ve made a nice side career out of taking shots at an aging, underachieving, mediocre husband with a small penis who looks like Smithers and happens to be me. It truly believe that the only guys who can’t laugh at themselves are insecure dickbags. Hell, Rodney Dangerfield is the best comic who ever took to a stage and he was the butt of every joke he ever told. But there’s a galactic difference between saying you look like a nerdy cartoon character with a fetish for old rich men and cracking wise about your failings that kicked an entire region in the taint with steel-toed boots.
This isn’t Bob Uecker lovably reminding everyone what a shitty catcher he was. Ocho had talent. He had a body that was touched by the wide receiver gods. He had the GOAT throwing to him. He had the GOAT coaching him. He had the best offense in football, stacked with weapons. He also had a legacy of failure to overcome in Cincy, where he’d been in exactly two career playoff games and lost them both. All he had to do was apply himself for one goddamned season. But he couldn’t be bothered to put in the time and effort. Even after Tedy Bruschi attentionwhore-shamed him on national TV, imploring him to quit Tweeting and learn the playbook, he couldn’t assimilate. In a divisional game where the Pats put up 45 on Denver, he didn’t have a catch. In the championship game where they squeaked past Baltimore, he was a healthy scratch. In the Super Bowl, with a badly injured Gronk nutting up and staying on the field as a decoy, Shecky Johnson here picked up exactly none of the slack, making one catch as the Pats struggled to 17 points against the Giants and the world bathed in their blood. Again.
So yeah, he’ll have to pardon me if even six seasons and two championships later I’m in no mood to hear him joke about how bad he was. I can say that, he can’t. And all those alleged Pats fans saying he’ll always be loved in New England can kiss my pasty Irish ass too. The only thing we should accept out of him is an apology for the roster spot he wasted.