A Full Breakdown Of The Comey Testimony, From Awkward One On Ones In The Oval Office To Rubio's Huge Ears

Comey Day was one of the more highly anticipated days outside of election-related events in recent memory. Ousted FBI Director Jim Comey voluntarily took the stand in front of the 15-member Senate Intelligence Committee to answer questions about his interactions with President Trump. He did so for about 3 hours.

There will be tons of spin zones. If you already hated Comey, you will think his testimony was meaningless. If you already hated Trump, you will think Comey bodybagged him. Neither is true. It’s somewhere in between. Let’s take a look.

Marco Rubio’s Ears

Have to start with Little Marco’s ears. Look, I’m not a perfect physical specimen. This has been well documented. I find it cheap to attack other’s looks; however, I am not above that cheapness — Marco Rubio’s ears looked fucking RIDICULOUS today. Did they grow like 10x in the last year? Is that possible? Is this an unintended side effect of growth pills? Trying to add height for 2020, ends up with satellites sticking out the side of his fucking head?

“Liar”

Comey called Trump a liar so many times today that the White House had to issue a statement specifically declaring that the President is not a liar.

Comey said he basically sprinted out of meetings and phone calls with Trump to immediately document the contents of those meetings because he feared Trump would lie.

Sneaky

Comey had kind of a weird moment where he said he purposely leaked memos to a friend so that friend could then leak to the media. He did it because the media was camped out in his neighborhood and he and his wife were going on vacation, or something.

Then he detailed how his Trump dinner came about and made a cool joke about cancelling dinner with his wife.

Cowardly

In several instances, Senators asked Comey why, during dinners, meetings, and calls with Trump, he didn’t chime in and point out Trump’s inappropriateness. For example, when Trump went on about Flynn being a good guy and Comey letting the investigation go, Comey simply reaffirmed that Flynn was a good guy. He did not pipe in that Trump hoping Comey would “let it go” was inappropriate.

Again, this was pointed out numerous times. Comey said he was mostly trying to get out of the room/off the phone, and that looking back her perhaps could or should have responded more assertively.

I thought these instances were where Comey lost the most points.

Tapes!

Until Trump tweeted about Comey and tapes, Comey didn’t even consider that his conversations with Donnie were recorded.

Now he, like all of us, is all in on tapes.

Lordy, whoever the fuck you are, please give me all of the tapes.

Lindsey Pelas

Quick Pelas break. Sup Girl?

America >>>>>> Russia

Unreal little shining city on the hill bit from Jim here. Electric.

Almost enlisted after that.

Hope

A pretty strong moment from Republican Senator James Risch of Idaho. On the matter of Trump saying to Comey, “I hope you can let this go,” Risch navigated Comey toward clarifying the legal implications of one “hoping.”

John McCain Is Too Old

Simply put, John McCain is too old. He took us all for a ride and nobody, especially John McCain, knew where we were going. Fortunately for everyone he ran out of time before things got too weird.

To be fair, he did have this interesting exchange about “that thing” Trump said he had with Comey.

Firing

Comey said he doesn’t exactly know why he was fired, but:

Loretta Lynch

Quick little showing from the former AG under Obama. Comey says she asked him to refer to the Hillary email probe not as an investigation, but as a “matter.”

Comey says he did, says it didn’t matter, says the media just called it an “investigation.”

Suck It Fake News Media

“That’s a question I cannot answer in an open setting.”

Was the phrase of the day. Comey answered this to like 50% of the questions. Answering these questions would touch on information pertinent to the Russia probe, therefore he could not answer them sitting there.

Final Thoughts

The implications of today’s testimony are far more important and real than the actual legal ramifications. If you were looking for an indictment from this testimony, you will not find it. Trump was not convicted of obstruction of justice today.

Trump was, however, accused — by the former director of the FBI — of being a liar and, in Comey’s words, “directing” Comey to do something unethical, which is to pressure Comey to drop the Flynn investigation. This accusation of course rests on Comey’s own interpretation of the phrase “hope you can let this go,” which Comey distinctly said he took as a direction.

The point is this — it is indeed, on the information we have so far, Comey’s word against Trump’s word. That’s why Comey was so giddy about the thought of there being tapes — tapes remove the he said/she said.

At best, this testimony was fascinating. It was fascinating because Comey gives us a first-person glimpse into the private interactions between the President Of The United States and his FBI Director. Think about what those two people know? Think about the power those two people possess? Think about the directions of history determined by conversations between these two positions before? It’s crazy to have laid out, right in front of us, basic human interactions in settings we often hold well above ourselves.

While “that’s a question I cannot answer in an open setting” may be a frustrating theme for today, it paves the way for plenty more to come. While Comey could not answer those questions publicly today, he is answering those questions for special investigator Rob Mueller privately. And the contents of those answers will eventually be made public in a context with very, very large implications.

Stay woke.