COME ON DOWN BROWNS FANS YOU OFFICIALLY HAVE A HEAD COACH!

Because Chicago is sort of the Big Brother of all Midwestern cities I feel an obligation to give you Browns fans a little coverage. So let’s fucking do this.

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FROOOOOOM the prestigious Buffalo Bills Organization. Mike Pettine!

Who is Mike Pettine, what is Mike Pettine? Let’s find out.

Michael Anthony Pettine Jr.

Age – 47

College – Univeristy of Virgina, free safety

Years in the NFL – TWELVE!

Claim to fame – Defensive Coordinator for the NY Jets and Rex Ryan’s “right hand man” (he’s probably seen a foot get fucked at some point)

Is he bald? Sure as fuck is.

Does he look kind of badass? Sure as fuck does

Could you even say he sort of resembles Stone Cold Steve Austin? If you want! (h/t austin)

Does he have a daughter who already sent out an embarassing tweet summing up all of our thoughts on Cleveland? You fucking know it!

So there he is Browns Fans. Let’s roll. Mike Pettine Era Starts NOW!