In Case You Missed It. December 12-16
On any given day, there could beat least 75 new posts up on this goddamn website. Now granted, there are always some re-blogs and at least 20 wake ups/GTA’s/Smokeshow posts, but there’s still a shit ton that goes on every day. Between all those posts and listening to all the podcasts and trying to actually do a little bit of real work throughout your week, it’s easy to see how you would miss some things here and there. Even if you’ve signed up for the BARSTOOL SPORTS RANDOM THOUGHTS NEWSLETTER (sign up here), there are still some posts that just fall through the cracks. So that’s where In Case You Missed It comes in. A quick week in review on Saturday mornings highlighting the major stories from Monday-Friday for those of you who aren’t able to sit there and read every single post (or just wait for the second something is posted so you can be the first to comment about how shitty the blogger is).
Monday December 12
– Black Twitter was none too pleased with Barstool Sports Editor-In-Chief Kmarko for making a joke about Lamar Jackson’s broke boi tuxedo. As if Lamar Jackson can’t afford an actual tux with all the millions of dollars he makes playing at Louisville.
– This overtime game-winning goal call from the BU Women’s Hockey Team is right up there with “Do You Believe In Miracles” as one of the greatest hockey calls in the history of broadcasting. Take a seat, Doc Emrick.
– RIP in Peace Jeff Fisher. Losing his job on 12/12 is the way he would have wanted it to happen anyway. Gone but never forgotten. Thanks for all the memories.
Tuesday December 13
– Sexiest man in the world Jay Mariotti is up to something and this time… *puts sunglasses on* … it’s personal.
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– We also live in a world where Barstool Nate is doing standing 69’s with Asa Akira. So yeah, pretty fuckin’ weird week in the world of Barstool Sports [dot] com.
– And to make things even weirder, Young Pageviews showed up to the office this week and brought a wallaby. None of this makes any sense but that’s the Barstool difference. Name another website that had a wallaby in their office this week, one of their writers stand up 69 a pornstar and review pizza slices with one of the biggest busts in NFL history.
Wednesday December 14
– Vladimir Putin has ton plenty of fucked up shit in his time (i.e. murder journalists, enable genocide, etc etc). But the most fucked up thing he’s ever done so far is reject this cute little dog from Japan. Who sends a dog back? Honestly.
– A 30-year-old Brooklyn man was mugged by four kids between the ages of 8-14, which proves once and for all that city kids are the biggest bunch of savages on the planet. Keep that blockhead of yours on a swivel out there, Smitty.
– The 7th and final season of Workaholics is coming out next month. So here are the 10 most tight butthole episodes ever.
Thursday December 15
– Potato Skin Gate certainly wasn’t one of the best moments in Barstool Sports history. But if somehow you missed the entire saga, here’s went down. Somebody in the office ate potato skins out of the trash. After getting dimed out for a crime he didn’t commit like he was Steven Avery or some shit, Spider Monkey Nate went on the defensive. Ebony is a rat and a blind rat apparently after video evidence proved Nate’s innocence. Again, not a very great moment for Barstool all around.
Friday December 16
– Keeping up with the theme of contention in the office, a good ol’ fashion Religious War broke out yesterday as Porntoy and his insecure tribe of chosens tried to wage war on Christmas at Barstool HQ. Sad!
– Shoutout to Big Daddy Trent for getting a spot on local Iowa news yesterday for his theory that Elf is a prequel to Step Brothers. Weed is a helluva drug, boys and girls. And one day if you smoke enough of it, you can come up with a holiday movie conspiracy theory that gets you on the news too.
– LOTTA movement this week in the Week 15 Barstool Office Power Rankings. The playoff committee is gonna have their hands full with this one.
Smokeshow of the Week: Kayla from LA. Who, as sources have confirmed, is very good at wearing a bikini.
Have yourselves a weekend, everybody. Love you all.