I remember when the wisdom teeth drugging videos went viral a while back and I got so sick of seeing people ham it up for a shot at a video with a million views. But for some reason this chick writing an email brought it all back to me. For some reason to me seeing her try to type something up and keep it coherent is way more entertaining than her being a hydrocodone’d mess:
But that email attempt? Loved everything about it. Her attempt at establishing the professionalism one would expect from a student asking for an extension by including the “as us students” is so perfect, her trying to negotiate with avoiding awkward silence in class (and somehow not stooping to cliché sexual favors) was commendable, she even called him sir to evoke some sort of hidden “Oliver Twist looking for gruel” sympathies somewhere inside. The spelling was weak, the sentence structure weaker, but this is about as good as a drugged up sales pitch as I would expect from a college girl, text or otherwise. Thankfully the teacher agreed/didn’t need to be emailed in the first place:
It’s a Festivus opium-based miracle!
PS this topic is also near and dear to my heart because perfect diction and spelling is one thing I pride myself when killing myself with substances and getting chatty on the phone as I often do:
The good Lord gives us only so many skills and seemingly keeping it together over text while out of my gourd is mine. Let this girl and I inspire you the next time a friend says “Hey man put that phone away”…you don’t need to listen to anything but the alcohol or drugs buddy, keep shooting and things will work out.